Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The desired changes may be physical, financial, spiritual, or emotional in nature. However, resolutions are notorious for being broken shortly into the new year.
Over on About.com there is a great list of tips for keeping your New Year’s Resolution as well as some ‘Fast Facts’ about New Year’s Resolutions.
For some people, however, making changes is not something they resolve to do beginning in the new year, but something they undertake on an almost daily basis. For these people, changing is an ongoing process they consciously tackle throughout their lifetime.
So, when it comes to changing your life, are you a New Year’s Resolution person or a ongoing basis person? What changes will you be tackling in the upcoming year?
10 Tips for Keeping New Year’s Resolutions. Amber J. Tresca.
About.com – IBD section
Monday, November 24, 2008
I daresay that since humans are far more evolved than fruit flies and do not ‘mate’ only in order to procreate, the compulsion to be with more than one partner at a time is not about protecting and strengthening the species.
This is, however, yet another good attempt by science to justify bad behavior and poor judgment in humans. The previous attempt was aimed at cheating males.
Why the Lady Is a Tramp
By Rachel Zelkowitz
ScienceNOW Daily News
21 November 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I heard a comment on a television show about conservative talk show host Sean Hannity having an online dating site. I checked it out, and sure enough – he does!
The Hannidate online dating site is for conservatives and is free to join. The services include photos, searching and matching. However, a faxed-in copy of a signed legal release is required. I am thinking this probably helps cut down on spammers and scammers.
Visitors are freely able to browse profiles before joining. All age groups are represented, and the Hannidate online dating site is organized by age groupings and location. Hannidate is open to people outside of the US as well.
For more information, please go to the “Hannidate” section of Sean Hannity’s website.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I was reading a US Magazine interview with Carrie Underwood earlier, and something she said hit home with me.
"If I met somebody, and they don't know anything about me," she said, "That's like, 'Oh, you're going to actually get to know me a little bit before you go Google me?"
Despite my lack of fame and notoriety, just by virtue of being a writer, I, too, get the ‘get to know me vs Google me’ thing in dating.
It’s a very uncomfortable feeling to have someone checking you out online. It creates a false sense of ‘knowing you’ in them, and it also represents an unfair ‘advantage’ in the balance of the blossoming relationship. In all honesty, it creeps me out to have someone who is interested in me checking me out online rather than just getting acquainted with me one-on-one.
I have also discovered, more often than not, that people who spend more time trying to find out about me on Google than one-on-one usually have issues I do not wish to deal with such as control, insecurity, and trust.
While writing has always been my heart’s desire, it is also something I do – it is not who I am. Sometimes I write about the things that matter to me, and sometimes I write what I am assigned, from the perspective I am instructed. Many times the final product is different from what I originally wrote. Sometimes the changes are minor and other times they are not.
In any case, assuming one ‘knows me’ simply by reading my writing or Googling me is wrong.
For the first time, I am beginning to understand part of the difficulty celebrities have in relationships. People think they ‘know’ the celebs based upon roles they have played, songs they have sung, and rumors that have been spread.
There will always be a piece of me in my writing. However, the whole me is far more complex and complete than any amount of Googling could ever reveal.
The only true way to get to know a person is to actually get to know them.
To that end, what do you find to be the best ways to get to know someone?
US Magazine (Online)
Carrie Underwood Apologizes for Upsetting Jessica Simpson
Monday November 3, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
First up is a look at why women love men in uniform from author Linda Howard in her interview with Crescent Blues E'Magazine:
Crescent Blues: What is it about a guy in uniform that so turns you on? Why do you think they make such good heroes?
Linda Howard: Because when they put on that uniform, that is proof that they are willing to put themselves between you and danger. It's a visual statement.
Multiple online dating sites are geared towards military personnel (past and present) and those who love them. Please note this is not a recommendation of any of the sites listed - it is merely a listing of options.
Whispy’s Directory of Military Singles Online Dating Sites
Iraq War Veteran’s Listing of Military Singles Online Dating Sites
If you want more information regarding specific online dating sites, please check the sidebar of this blog for the ratings widget and link.
Happy Veterans Day – Be sure to send some love to a Vet today!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
While I find the discovery of a 'cheating gene' interesting, I find the concept to be one of the biggest cop-outs of all time. Regardless of whether there is a gene that can create stronger urges towards infidelity in men or not, the fact is that man is supposed to be more evolved and civilized than animals.
To say a man is completely subject to his genetics and primal urges is to say he is no better now than a caveman or an animal. I reject this and propose that while any human being may have an urge to cheat, it is the very nature and responsibility of civilized men and women to use conscious thought and intellect to overrule primal urges.
What do YOU say?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
This and another situation in my life got me thinking about the different types of relationships we create in our life, and how much relationships change over time. As humans, we are ever changing, so people being able to stay together for 25+ years boggles my mind. It demonstrates to me that it is very much possible in our flawed human state to commit to one person, to put the good of another person and a relationship ahead of our own whims, and that the couple who selflessly loves one another stays together.
Counting my best friend who passed away recently, I have had three male best friends in this stage of my life that I could never be with romantically, but I do not know how I would survive without them in my life platonically.
They say you should marry your best friend, but all three of them would disagree with that in terms of us. I would have to agree with them. So, what then is the ‘thing’ that makes a best friend a great marital choice vs. just a best friend? I think for me, I can easily be friends with people who are very different from me. However, when it comes to building a committed romantic relationship and future, I think you really need common goals and values - I know that I do.
What do YOU think? Do you have friends you could marry?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
It really took me by surprise. I am usually told I am a huge flirt, and 'accused' of flirting when I am simply conversing.
First, I thought about what expectations the gentleman was putting on me and our conversations. Part of me wondered, based on a couple of comments he made previously, if by 'flirting' he actually meant something else - like talking about things I do not feel comfortable talking about with men I have not even gone out with - much less am not involved with.
Then I thought about my level of attraction to him and realized I had been keeping the tone a little more 'friendly' and 'casual' than I do with guys I am seriously interested in getting to know better.
The final thought was that perhaps part of me just doesn't want to date or get involved right now, and actually has stifled the flirty side of my personality. That thought made me feel a little sad, but as I considered what is going on in my life I realized that at least for now, perhaps it is for the best.
How flirty are you and what affects your level of flirtatiousness?
How do YOU define 'flirty'?
Monday, August 11, 2008
I am a bit 'old fashioned', so these common-sense guidelines for courteous and gentlemanly behavior really appeal to me. I am totally hot for gentlemen.
But, I am old-fashioned, and I am a woman. I would love to know what the men around here think of The Art of Manliness and the guide.
Also, I would like feedback from the ladies - what do YOU think about the site and the guide?
Personally, I think men and women should always treat each other with such courtesy - I don't think either gender should settle for less than being treated in such a manner.
The Art of Manliness
Guide to Being a Gentleman in 2008 (PDF)
Read more about it:
Study: Health Gap Closing Between Married, Single People
The article from the Journal in full is available for purchase HERE.
Subscribe to the Journal HERE.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
I have come across another online dating service review site, however this one does not have a widget - you have to go to the site. The Viewpoints.com website offers consumer reviews about a multitude of things, including online dating services.
Online Dating Site Reviews
For now, I will put a link in the sidebar under the DateRater widget. If viewpoints offers a widget in the future, I will add it for you.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
If you are an online dater, some sites will mark your profile with a birthday symbol, or 'announce' your birthday in some other way. This can drive more traffic to your profile and elicit contact with people who may become new friends or more.
However, your birthday also increases your age which may put you in a new demographic for searches on the dating sites. This can increase or decrease your views and contacts significantly. Additionally, it can affect the kind of contact you get. For example, I have some friends who 'freaked out' when their age change suddenly garnered a lot of attention from men who were 20+ years older than them. That kind of age difference creeped them out. What a difference a day makes!
Let us not forget the birthdays that come along while you are dating someone. If you are already in an established relationship its not as big a deal, but if you have barely started dating someone it can prove to be awkward. Do you ask them out for their birthday, send them a card or buy them a small gift? Is that appropriate or pushy? If you are the birthday person, do you invite your date to your birthday party or even tell them about your birthday? Is that appropriate or does it seem like you are 'hinting' for 'cash and prizes'?
I also have some friends who celebrate their birthday each year by changing their birthday online, the day before. For some this keeps them the same age. Others seem to be aging backwards.
How do you handle birthdays and dating?
Friday, August 1, 2008
I have never found the church to do anything more than other churches do – counsel and ‘preach’ if you will to their congregants to live better, do better, and be better. Many churches have become far more politically active from the pulpit than the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has. For the most part, the church explains the guidelines, repeats them as needed, and allows members to decide how closely to the letter of the law or the spirit of the law they wish to live – as well as how to ‘interpret’ the gray areas – within reason.
So, when I read this article today about Saudi Arabia’s Islamic Religious Police, I had to chuckle to myself. Then I had to share.
Saudi Arabia Bans Sale of Dogs and Cats in Capital in Effort to Keep Sexes Apart
I have never heard the church tell single members anything about conduct and intermingling other than to remain chaste until marriage and to be courteous to one another always. Oh, and that its best to not start dating until you are 16 ( advice not commandment – but great advice, by the way). In fact, our church has been making great strides in helping singles in their single life, to recognize they do ‘fit in’ in a church that is so heavily focused on ‘family’, and to help them have appropriate venues and activities for intermingling. I have been thrilled to see these changes, and hope the trend will continue.
So, back to the Saudi Arabia story – what do you find to be useful as a ‘chick’ or ‘dude’ magnet? As a ‘chick’ I have found that having a vehicle that is ‘loaded’ and has 4wd works well as a ‘dude magnet’. So does having ultra long hair. Lol.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
In some instances, I got overwhelming responses – but not the type I was looking for. In other instances, I got fewer responses than I normally did, but they were closer to what I was seeking.
In any event, the day I turned 40 and my age was updated on my profile, everything changed. It didn’t matter what I said in my profile or what photo I used, suddenly views and responses were minimal.
There had been many discussions on the boards of that site that the 40+ men were chasing ‘younger’ women, while ignoring women their own age. I didn’t “see” that so much when I was 39 because – I was still in that 30-something age range that was being checked out. The minute I turned 40, I was no longer in their searches, or coming up in their suggested matches because I was now outside their search parameters.
As my friend and I discussed this, I began wondering if that didn’t in some way contribute to the other phenomenon of age 40+ women dating younger men. With less of a dating pool in their own age, “older” women dating interested younger men makes sense. Add to that the fact that women generally have a longer life span than men, and it makes even more sense to date/marry younger men.
One part of me cannot see a long-term relationship happening for me with a 27 year old – then again, when I consider how people change when they have been married and divorced as so many my age have been, 27 yr old men (who have likely not been married) don’t look so bad.
For dating younger, the rule of thumb (so you don’t look like a pervert) is ½ your age plus 7. I will be 41 in about a week, so for me it would be 41 – ½ (20.5) = 20.5 + 7 = 27 ½. So, age 27-28 would be the minimal age.
My personal opinion is that if they are closer in age to my child than me, they are too young. That opinion actually ‘ups’ the minimum age I can date. I am 41 (almost) and my teen is 16. That means there is a 25-year difference between our ages. Half of that is 12.5, so the youngest I could date would be 12.5 years younger than myself. 41-12.5 = 28.5.
Though I have gotten the impression over the years that younger men who chase older women are looking for a sugar momma or “experienced” sex, there are probably some out there who have honorable intentions. Until now, the youngest man I ever went out with was 6 years younger. Lately, I am thinking a 28 year old with honorable intentions might not be so bad.
What do YOU think about dating younger?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
They currently offer online dating with a twist – matches are made by real live matchmakers, not algorithms. If I understand the job of a shadchan correctly, they are not only observant students of human behavior, but they are also well-versed in the dynamics of creating a lasting happy marriage. Once they suggest matches, it is up to the matches to review the candidates and choose from them.
It is similar to eHarmony in that you cannot view profiles unless you have been matched with them, but the matches are made by real people who understand how real people and real relationships work.
Admittedly, it may not be for everyone, but I can see some advantages to having professional matchmakers pick out great candidates, and those chosen taking it from there, with, of course, regular consultation with Heavenly Father.
What do YOU think about using the services of a real live matchmaker?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I, of course, downloaded the free extension, and it is marvelous! It gives you buttons for quick access to many wonderful LDS sites. It comes with a search feature, and allows you to contact the creator in order to suggest sites that are not already listed. One section in the LDS Websites button’s drop down menu allows you to see all the newly added sites.
Guess what else? The toolbar is configured so newly accepted sites can be automatically added to the toolbar without having to wait for the new version to come out! Yay! In addition, there is a section for ‘messages’ from the creator giving users updates, including Home/Visiting Teaching reminders.
Get Yours HERE:
While I was ‘playing’ with the toolbar I found a really fun link for those who love social networking (singles and marrieds): MyMormonSpace. It is currently switching to a newer format, so most of the members are still on the old version. However, soon they will be moved over to the new one. Why not sign up now at the new version and be there ready and waiting to greet them?
I plan on setting up a profile on MyMormonSpace, so if you happen to see me there, be sure to add me as a friend!
By the way, its always a plus to have a job that pays you to ‘play’ as part of your research.
Happy Toolbar use and Social Networking!
LDS Toolbar Extension 1.40 (Firefox)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I read this great article about polyamory yesterday, and it explains the term, as well as the most common useage of the act of polyamory. To quote the article by Yvonne K. Fulbright, "Better known as “players,” these individuals are generally chalked up by psychologists as having relationships that are immature, incomplete, and sexually focused."
To read the entire article:
FOXSexpert: Can You Be in Love With More Than One Person?
What are your thoughts and feelings about polyamory?
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Now that you have fainted because of the headline, please bear with me - this post is not what you think.
I had a dream last night and it got me thinking about what really just gets to me in all the right ways - more than intimacy, it is a way that involves intimacy but is also tender and feeling very loved and loving. It is a way in which I feel an overflowing sensation of tenderness, appreciation, love, and attraction for the man in question.
In the dream, I was in a long-term relationship, and I was watching and listening to this man read his young daughter a story before bedtime. It really got to me, as those things always do. What really gets to me is to see men being tender, being helpful, and being in their element.
In my life, the times when I have felt the most attracted to the men in my life - the times when I have felt romantically, sexually, and otherwise totally 'into' them, have been when they have been washing dishes, cooking for me, doing other household chores (non-grumpily), working on the yard, working on the car/truck/motorcycle, being tender and fun with children, dancing with me, singing to me, spending quality time with me, serving others, and when they have been in their element. By in their element,I mean they are doing something they love like giving a presentation, playing basketball, etc. They are 'on' and 'in the zone'.
This all relates to my love languages. Mine are equally words of affection and acts of service. But, the words and acts aren't just directed towards me - when I see 'my man' offering genuine kind words to others, or performing acts of service for others, too - it really gets to me.
Its not about a man putting on an act or just doing those things to please me (or 'get some') - I need a man who is already just that way - those things just come naturally to him.
If you are not familiar with the Five Languages of Love, I suggest you check out this quick link. I really believe there is something to the love and apology languages, and have seen remarkable differences when I have applied it in my own relationships.
What do YOU think about the love languages, and what really gets to YOU? (Please keep it clean, folks)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Though I am scared of heights, and not a fan of bungee jumping, I must say that there is something about bungee dancing that totally fascinates me, and lures me in like a moth to a flame. The first time I recall truly seeing it was in the Lara Croft Tomb Raider movie. I was so jealous! I would love to be able to do that in my own living room! Think of how easy and fun dusting would be.
The next time I saw it was in Celebrity Circus performed by Stacy Dash – twice. She started out scared of heights, and yet found it within herself to rise to the challenge and compete in all height-based acts. Even injured, she performed with remarkable focus, determination, and grace.
I think that fear and excitement can also be related to dating and relationships. Sometimes, we let our fears, anxieties, and past hurts keep us from doing something we really want to do – something that appeals to us and beckons us near.
Even when we are hurt in our relationships, we can find it within ourselves to move forward with focus, determination, and grace – if we so choose.
And like bungee dancing, dating and relationships can be as fun, beautiful, and amazing as we want them to be. It all depends upon what we and our chosen partners put into it.
See Stacy Dash’s Bungee Dancing:
Starlight Show Productions
When it comes to dating and relationships, are you a bungee dancer or are you yearningly watching from the sidelines?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
As someone who believes in traditional marital ideals like fidelity, monogamy, and trust, I must say the more I check out these more ‘open’ sites, the more grossed out I become.
I joined a new site last night that was given high marks. The site, however, is an ‘open’ site. *Deep Breath*
As I perused the profiles I was shocked, amazed, and disgusted by the number of male registered members openly proclaiming they are married and just want a little ‘sumpin sumpin’ on the side. Maybe I need to peruse the female profiles to see if it is as bad. To their credit though, *cough choke gag* at least they are honest about who they are and what they are looking for – to their targets. I doubt most are informing their spouse about their hunt.
I am virtually speechless.
When you believe in chaste dating and no sex before marriage, it is difficult to find a date who believes and lives the same way. It is disappointing enough to find what seems to be 90% of your dating pool wanting sex before marriage or only sexual encounters. But, then, to see so many who are married on the prowl for extracurricular action, is just heart-breaking and depressing.
Its easy to say you would never marry someone you didn’t trust, but the reality is that many of the partners of those on the prowl do, in fact, trust their partner and believe they are being faithful.
I think I need to hurl now.
This behavior crosses all socio-economic, ethnic, cultural, and religious lines. No one is safe.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
From the reviews I have been reading, my experiences on certain online dating websites have been quite similar to those posting the reviews.
If you check it out, please let us know what you think.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I heard from a friend today who is feeling a bit stressed in her relationship. The only thing I knew to tell her was as follows:
"Relationships are complicated. Especially when you are serious about wanting to be part of an amazing long-term relationship - and marriage. The only fast and hard rule I have ever learned about relationships is that I have to be honest with myself and my partner about who I am, what I need, and whether who they are and what our relationship is matches up with me and what I need - and vice versa. Sometimes I just cannot be who they need or give what they need. It can really stink to be alone, but it stinks worse to be frustrated and stressed all the time.
In my time away from dating, I have experienced a bit of a detoxification/cleansing. While I would still love to be part of an amazing relationship, I see how much I sacrificed for bad causes and how much of myself I lost in the process. We each deserve to be with someone who is a great match for us who puts as much if not more into creating with us a beautiful and lasting relationship. We each deserve to be with someone who puts us ahead of themselves and who is as serious about creating that loving, selfless, mutually-rewarding relationship as we are. Nothing less is right.
Most people are not honestly at that point in their development. It doesn't make them bad - it just makes them not ready yet. Each of us has to decide if waiting it out and working it out is a beneficial or hurtful thing to the end goal - and to our own happiness. No one else can decide that for us.
I wish I had magic words to say to give you comfort, and strength, and answers. All I can say is that I believe in you, and I know that in your heart you know what the right thing, in this moment, is for you. You know your own heart, your own mind, and your own strength. Trust that.
Its okay to stick out tough times - if you are doing it for the right reasons.
Its okay to walk away - if you are doing it for the right reasons.
The right reasons are the ones that bring true and lasting happiness.
You are a brilliant, beautiful, kind, generous, loving woman. You have amazing strength, wisdom, and courage. I know you can do anything you put your mind to doing. I think you deserve to do those things that put a twinkle in your eyes, and give you that glow of joy - whatever they may be."
I think that too many people, myself included, can lose sight of what is really important in the quest for love.
What do YOU think?
Monday, June 23, 2008
For the third installment of this Rowdy Chick series, I am sharing a parable I wrote about Rowdy Chicks and the men who love us.
A Parable by Dani
Once a wise man and a foolish man each yearned to have a tigress to call their own. They set off for the jungle, each determined to acquire his prize.
The foolish man set up a trap and did manage to snare a beautiful tigress. He took her home and happily placed her in a small cage where he would occasionally toss her some scraps and old bones while he watched her furiously pace and hiss. The foolish man tried to tame her and make her do his will. The Tigress, a wild creature by nature, yearned only for her freedom and took advantage of her first opportunity to escape. . .leaving the foolish man bewildered and deeply wounded.
Meanwhile, the wise man carefully watched his chosen tigress from a distance. He learned to become a part of her world without invading her space until she allowed it. He learned all he could about her and made his presence consistently felt in her world while giving her her freedom and respecting her wild nature. The tigress came to trust the wise man, and soon allowed him closer to her. She remained ever the wild creature, but his deep love and respect of her and her true nature bound her to him in a way nothing else could. He never tried to cage her or change her, so she learned she could trust him; and quickly came to desire his company and to please him. His choice to honor her nature and her freedom was the very thing that drew her to him. . .and forever bound her to him. His wisdom garnered him the fulfillment of his dreams.....and so much more.
So, tell me true. . .are you a wise man or a fool?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
As promised, today I am posting part two of the Rowdy Chicks series.
Today I am going to share something another Rowdy Chick started. She shared her words, and allowed me to use her inspiration to create my own words and story. From Kendra - a Rowdy Chick whom I adore, admire, and respect; to me; to you.
*Remember while you read this that exotic pets are more than beautiful birds and magnificent cats. Iguanas and 'gators are considered exotic pets as well.
It always starts out innocently enough, a guy is attracted to me either in real life or on his computer screen and he initiates contact. We talk and he finds that I am not like the other women he has dated, and my own life experience is beyond his own. He always seems a bit fascinated and shocked all at the same time; and it seems to arouse curiosity and a need for more.
It’s a lot like the exotic pet trade in the US. These animals are coveted by many who don't really understand the animal but who want something unique, something that is a bit of a challenge to keep, and something that is unlike anything that their friends and neighbors posses.
But since they don't know a lot about the pets, the pets and the owner rarely find joy, and there are a lot of exotic pets that are given up because the owner just found them too hard to keep.
I could BE one of these animals. My life is not run by religious or societal constraints or cultural norms, but by my own definition of what is true and right. These beliefs may or may not match popular opinion.
Though I tend to be conservative in my beliefs and standards, even to a man who has played it safe all his life, I am seen as something unique and different. This isn't my ego speaking - men tell me this themselves.
But like the lay person with the exotic pet, they wish to bring me into their environment and force me into adapting to it. They don't understand that I, like the wild animal, don't acclimate well to the change, and cannot be anyone other than who I am.
When I love, it is forever and I give all that I am and all that I have. That being said, I won't be caged or constrained . . . and it's quite possible that I can't be tamed. It is not in my nature nor is it my choice to be other than who I am.
The thought has occurred to me that perhaps I should add a disclaimer to my life that only those who have experience with exotic pets need apply.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Here are my results:
You scored 70 Independence, 55 Romance, 55 Loyalty, and 70 Practicality!
Your result for The What Disney Female are you Test...
If you follow the link and take the quiz, please be sure to hop on back over here and post your results. Happy quizzing!
If you have followed this blog or know me personally, you probably have ascertained that I am a free-spirited rowdy chick. By this, I mean that I am one of those women who is strong, independent, and who lives her life by her own set of values rather than by social constraints. I will not be caged, but that does not mean I do not love or cannot be unquestioningly faithful and committed. Quite the opposite – I love and commit with the same fiery passion with which I live my life and pursue my dreams.
These qualities make us few and proud free-spirited rowdy chicks seem ‘hard to hold’. I guess the reality of it is for most men we are. We are like a brilliant dazzling fire that burns when you get too close – unless you are a firefighter who knows what he is doing and has experience with the flame. (Okay, I admit I was just looking for a way to include firemen in this . . .lol)
There is a type of man that can deal with our rough edges and our fiery free spirit. This man is the one whose strength, drive, and commitment to his personal values rival our own. This man ‘gets’ what makes us tick because he is our male counterpart. The difference is that this man has more refined edges than do we. This gentle refined aspect is what draws us in rather than pushes us away. It is his ‘gentle touch’ that brings us home to him and his arms every time – and it is our fire and free-spirit that inspires him and energizes him and causes him to feel like he has finally found his home – in our arms.
The relationship between the two personality types is a very symbiotic one in which both sides benefit and feel fulfilled. The relationship is not without its inherent challenges, as there are two strong personalities at work – but with work and commitment, it can be one of the most dynamic long-term relationships ever.
I have written two things that deal with this. One on my own, and one was inspired by and comes in part from another rowdy chick – who graciously allows me to use her general theme along with some of her wording. Those will be parts two and three of this post.
This weekend is about celebrating and embracing all that makes us the wonderful, amazing free-spirited rowdy chicks that we are.
I put my rowdy chick YouTube play list in the side panel of this blog. Enjoy!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I took the test more than once, and tried variations of answer sets that all honestly reflected me and my personality. I got the same results every time.
The show is not one I am familiar with, so I looked up the show and the character I was matched with online. I was matched with a conniving murderer.
I have taken many funny, semi-serious, and ultra-serious matching quizzes over the years, and certain elements have remained the same. In all honestly, some of the traits that I love and value the most in men, such as drive, ambition, determination, and raw male power, if they go horribly wrong, could lead to conniving and perhaps murderous behavior.
When it comes to the traits of YOUR perfect match, what are the dark side of the coin traits they could turn into?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I was watching the movie My Mom’s New Boyfriend (rated PG-13) the other day, and in it the character, Marty, made two statements that got me thinking.
The first was that life is too short for lies. While I don’t think the length of one’s life should have any bearing on truth-telling, I ‘get’ that the point that was being made is that we only have so much time here on earth and we should not be wasting that time with falsehoods and misleading others. Lies waste the time of the liar who has to keep track of their lies, think up material to use in their lies, and continually add to their lies in order to maintain them and cover-up the fact that they are lying. Truth is simple, easy-to-remember, and direct. No time is wasted when one simply tells the truth.
The second statement that the character from the movie made that got me thinking is that she believes in only doing those things that makes her happy.
After some thought, I realized that in some ways, this statement can illustrate a truly great way to live.
If you have a good sense of yourself and have your head on straight, then the things that make you happy would be those things that would not be harmful to yourself (like drugs) or others. This means the opposite would hold true as well – that those things that would make you feel unhappy would also be those things that would be harmful to you or others. So, in that context, only doing things that make you happy would be, largely, living an altruistic life. To truly live a completely altruistic life, there is a little more involved, but certainly, this would be a step in the right direction.
What do you think of the statements?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Today I got an email update and it had two things in it I think are highly relevant to LDS Singles:
By Persuasion and Long Suffering is about the proper use of the priesthood - which is not to be domineering in relationships.
LDS Single Adult Presentation: For the Strength of You which is a powerpoint presentation addressing topics relevant to singles.
I hope you'll check them out, and then leave feedback in the comments section here about your thoughts regarding them.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Wilson and "CB" were choosing a mattress together. Each had a preference. She told him to pick whichever mattress he wanted - that either was fine with her. He choose the one that she preferred. When she realized it, she was upset. She told him that his pattern of 'just trying to get along' by doing whatever his former partners wanted rather than doing things he wanted created resentment in him and led to the demise of those relationships. She told him not to do that to her. She wanted him to use his own voice in their relationship, too.
She brings up a good point. Where is that line in relationships between genuinely being kind to your partner and doing things 'just to get along' that create resentment?
It seems to me that if you feel in any way pressured (real or imagined pressure) to do something 'just to get along', it is likely going to create a feeling of resentment in you. There is nothing wrong with an ebb and tide in a relationship where each partner gets something they want, when what they want diverges.
Like "CB", it drives me crazy when someone does the 'just trying to get along' thing with me. Just as I want a partner who will know when to 'give' to me, I also want the opportunity to 'give' to my partner. I don't want a mindless sheep who will give in to everything I want. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly don't want all of the responsibilities. I want a partner who will create a relationship and life with me - by my side.
What are YOUR thoughts about 'just trying to get along'?
Monday, April 14, 2008
While I work I tend to have music or the sound of video entertainment running in the background. As much as I hate to work on the Sabbath, sometimes it cannot be avoided.
Yesterday, as I finished up the book project, I had byutv online playing in the background. A great segment from the Family Expo came on, and once I got done with my work, I watched it.
This segment is about marriage, and it is packed with great information about relationships and marriage. It is approximately an hour long, so you will want to be sure you have that kind of time before you get into it.
From the Continuing Education Dept of BYU
Family Expo: "A Proclamation to the World"
The Three Pillars of Marriage: Leave, Cleave, and Be One
by Matthew O. Richardson
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
CNN spotlighted this 2005 article from Katherine Russell that is on Oprah.com. The main point of the article is that being single does not make a person 'unfortunate' or any less than the magnificent being they are. The article emphasized the importance of having a change of attitude about having the status of 'single'.
As stated in the article, having a full life and recognizing that happiness comes from within are both great ways to live life as a single.
Though it shouldn't be the point, a happy, fulfilled person is also far more attractive as a date and a mate than someone who is focused on the 'negatives' of their situation.
I have found great joy in my life by pursuing interests, hobbies, further education, and opportunities for service. By switching my focus from 'finding a partner' to 'finding joy', I have found myself . . .and great peace.
What things do YOU do that bring you true joy?
For More Information, please read the article:
Why am I alone? Oops, wrong question
Sunday, April 6, 2008
I went back to the message board and asked for advice, including specifics as to what to say to the gentleman, if anything at all. I read over his profile and decided to send him a reply. I did my best to be diplomatic and kind. We shall see how he replies, if at all.
Its hard to know how to respond to people who are rude or just socially inept. We all make mistakes - Heaven only knows how many social faux-pas I commit on a regular basis! I try to give the benefit of the doubt and to be true to myself - which is to try to respond with kindness and compassion. That is in constant conflict, however, with my Jericho Mile of being totally lacking in diplomacy and tact.
So, onward I go, trying to learn how to be less of a social dork and more diplomatic.
When it comes to handling difficult situations, what words and phrases have YOU found to be helpful?
I have been working long hours as of late, and I am in my final hours on a single's site I have been a member of for several years. Because I am trying to tie up loose ends there and get contact info exchanged before I go, I have been quick to check back when I get a contact notification.
So, in the wee hours of the morning I got a notice. I popped on over and it was a 'profile comment'. I have labeled and dated my photos there, and I labeled the one I have posted in this blog as 'Thinker' due to the pose.
The comment I got from a man, was as follows, "thinker...? there u go workin without tools again....lol"
In my bleary-eyed state, I was not sure if I was reading it correctly or not, but it sure seemed to me that the man was insulting me by calling me stupid. So, on the message boards I posed the question as to if he was calling me stupid or not, and went to bed. I was truly hoping there was some hidden thing in there or special way to read it that I had missed in my fatigued state.
After a few hours of sleep, I read it again and it still looked the same to me. I went to the message boards and everyone who replied agreed that was what he was saying, but many qualified it with the fact they thought he was 'flirting' with me.
When did insulting a person become accepted as 'flirting'? This concept boggles my mind and appalls me. I understand that it can be difficult to make first contact and to know what clever thing to say that will get a person's attention and interest. But, I guarantee that if the first thing you say to them is an insult, you are going to strike out more than you are going to succeed. Flirting is an enticement. Insulting someone is not enticing, but rather, is off-putting. And, for the record, adding 'lol' to it doesn't make it any less rude and ignorant.
There are so many other choices to go with such as a genuine compliment or a comment about something you have in common. You can ask them a question about something they know a lot about (take care to not make it sound like you are looking for 'free advice' from an expert) or offer them info regarding something they have an interest in such as an upcoming workshop regarding a topic they have interest in that they may not know about.
When someone chooses to 'insult as a flirt' it makes me wonder just how comfortable they are with putting others down, and just how much of it I would be subject to were I to be in their line of fire. I choose not to allow negative or mean-spirited people into my life and my world. Someone who feels it is acceptable to use an insult as the first and only thing they say to me, or as 'flirting' fits into that category.
I really hope there are not people out there who think they have to accept such behavior as just part of life or part of dating. It is neither, and you have the right to have your personal boundaries respected.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Dianne Hanks has given free outer makeover advice to people on the site before, but in her own life she has been busy working on outer and inner make overs. She has decided to take what she has learned and share it with others - men and women.
On April 1, 2008 she is launching a new website: www.makeoversession.com. Many professionals from a plethora of different areas are on board to help people makeover themselves, and their life, inside and out.
I have always been impressed with Dianne's inner beauty, and there is no question about how much her outer beauty shines. The more I looked into this, the more excited I became about finding out more. I think there is something for everyone in what she is offering.
Watch Dianne's Video About MakeOverSession.Com:
The list of participating experts and the fields they cover is staggering:
Lorin Roche - Meditation
Grant Adams - Online Dating for Men
Glenda Feilen - Nutrition
Richard DeAndrea - Holistic Cleansing
Dr. Stephen West - Lymphology
Shea Schneider - Wardrobe
Bart Baggett - Handwriting
Talya Meldy - Colon Hydrotherapy
Brooks Palmer - Clutterbusting
Habib Sadeghi - Holistic Health
Marie Diamond - Feng Shui/Home Energy
Brian Chang - Drinking Water
Cynthia Kiktavi - Landscaping
Dodie Sy - Floral Couture
Greg Brown - Skin Rejuvenation
Jaxson Rodriguez - Car Makeovers
Jesse YBarra - Hair
Jimi Mathis - Taxes
John F. Shega - Plastic Surgery
K.C. Lug - Wellness
Karol Kuhn Truman - Feelings Healings
Lindy Beverly - Cosmetic Dentistry
Mary Ellen Simmons - Humanitarianism
Maureen Tepedino - Art and Walls
Mike Peterson - Money
Paul Devine - Physique
Paulette Sadler - Hair Removal
Todd Ehrler - Orthodontistry
Tony Marren - Philanthropy
(the site states 'and more')
And yes, that photo and letter on the website to Dianne from 'Dani, UT' is me/mine. I really do believe in and support what she is doing.
For more information:
The Website - Makeoversession.com
Tv Clip - Makeover Session with Dianne Hanks
Videos - Tips from Dianne
Be sure to check it out! Please comment here and there and let us know what you think.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
*NOTE: TONGUE-IN-CHEEK POST AHEAD*
According to two different studies, men who marry women who are better looking than they are report being more happy with their marriage - AND, being in a happy marriage reduces your blood pressure.
So, men with high blood pressure - be sure to find yourself a woman who is better lookin' than you. ;-)
Ladies, don't take offense - look at it as a gift of kindness to help them reduce their blood pressure. ;-)
From BYU: Happy Marriage = Lower Blood Pressure
From Journal of Family Psychology: Happiness Created by Pairing of Ugly Men and Beautiful Women
Here is a video clip with a debate about one of these studies, and more regarding men, women, and relationships. Nothing gets resolved, but it is a great illustration of some of the attitudes in the world. In the comments section, be sure to leave feedback about the debate in this video - do you agree with either viewpoint?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Two video links today regarding how men love women.
The first is a sad tale regarding a divorcing man so heartbroken that he is now putting 'his whole life' up for sale on Ebay. His 'whole life' comprises all of his belongings from their shared life, associations with his friends, and possible jobs for the purchaser. To view this short clip, please click HERE.
The second video clip is a much more positive one. A man is celebrating his love for his wife in an amazing and inspiring way. Through creating his tribute, he has developed new talents, pulled himself out of depression, and honors God - which he plans on sharing with others. To view this touching video clip, please click HERE.
What do YOU think about the two videos?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
This is a really difficult post for me to write because it touches on so many tender spots and I am not known for diplomacy skills. It is being written because of events which I have experienced, witnessed, and have been a listening ear in regards to.
Something that is being seen over and over in the dating world of LDS Singles is inordinate amounts of childishness, pettiness, and general disgraceful behavior. It is astonishing to me the lengths to which people will go in order to just catch someone's eye or get a date. No low seems to be too low any more.
Expectations have become totally unrealistic, and rather than address a need to strive towards perfection in one's own self, the demand is that the other person be perfect . . . and perfectly matched with the cardboard cutout image that has been created - even if it means forcing those 'standards' upon them.
Continually there are debates in regards to standards of moral behavior with criticisms routinely being placed upon the leadership and upon members who choose to live high standards of conduct. It is appalling to me to see and experience members of the church treating one another in this manner - and especially in regards to what are basic tenants of our faith that those who are baptized and endowed members vow to adhere to.
Divorced males leave the church in droves, and divorced females are more and more frequently resigning themselves to the hope that maybe in the millennium they will be able to marry 'a good man'. Both genders are making new people in their life pay for the 'crimes' they believe the former ones committed against them, and more and more common are 'casual dating', 'NCMO', and 'friends with benefits' (lds-style).
What is a single person who is trying to live gospel standards supposed to do? It is heart-breaking, it is frustrating, and it is becoming more and more discouraging.
So, aside from the general, 'have faith, pray, trust in the Lords timing, and keep trying' advice, what things do YOU do to deal with a dating world that is becoming less and less appealing?
Monday, March 3, 2008
I found these great articles online and decided to conduct a challenge with them. Worst case scenario, we might each learn a few things about ourselves and have some fun along the way.
So, to take part in this challenge the only things you have to do are the following 4 things:
1- Read all of the articles listed below. Then read them again carefully, taking note of the advice and how to implement it into your life.
2- Use the advice religiously for at least 30 days.
3-Keep a journal or log of your experiences and what you learn along the way.
4- Come back here and share a summary .
Ready - set - GO!
I read this article on CNN about sexual incompatibility creating conflict in marriages. I found it interesting for several reasons.
First, it is something discussed in the LDS (Divorced) Singles community - not wanting a repeat of bad sexual experiences in a previous marriage. While we generally view sexual intimacy between marital partners as important, we also acknowledge it is not the most important or only aspect of a happy healthy marriage.
Second, in the article it was noted that "People choose partners who have the right resume but maybe not the entire package." (Dr Laura Berman - Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert, Chicago)
One of my favorite quotes in the article is from marriage counselor and sex therapist, Marty Klein, ""People have the assumption that you can have long-term, monogamous, hot sex. It's never been done (on a large scale) in the history of the world."
In the LDS Singles world, due to our values, it is a difficult thing for many to discuss outside of marriage without feeling like they are crossing some kind of decency or morality line. This seems to carry over into married life - people having difficulty having clear and honest discussions about sex.
My understanding and belief is that it is possible and advisable to have morally-clean discussions about sexual issues prior to marriage and prior to serious commitment (you marry who you date). I believe the topic can be openly and tactfully discussed without crossing any inappropriate lines.
How do YOU feel about discussing sexual matters prior to marriage? When do YOU feel is the right time and what do YOU feel are 'appropriate' topics to cover?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Today is February 29, 2008 and as the 'extra day' we get each leap year, it is also known as 'Sadie Hawkins Day'. There are various stories about what Sadies Hawkins Day truly entails, but the basic gist is that on this day, ladies take the lead and do the proposing - or in modern times - ask the guy to a dance or on a date.
On a singles/dating website of which I am a member, I posted a 'challenge' for men and women to 'sign up' to play on Sadies Hawkins Day by (ladies) asking a man out - no strings attached; or by (men) agreeing to go on such a date. I then posted a date offer - my treat (I was setting the example and stepping up - putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak). When it comes to dating, I am the askee not the asker, so this was something different for me, but I thought it would be fun to try on a new hat for a day.
Many on the site whine and complain about never getting asked out and sitting home alone weekend after weekend. So, for this challenge, how many men and women do you think jumped at the chance? Counting me, there were about 5.
This is not the first time I have started a challenge of some type to get people actually doing something, and the results are typical. This begs the question, "Why complain and moan and whine but not do anything to change it?" Because changing it requires stepping outside of the box/comfort zone and that is a really scary thing to do for most people.
So, while I go out and have a great time on Sadies Hawkins Day, many others will sit home fretting over the lost chance and being alone yet another Friday night - when they didn't have to be.
What a crying shame. (seriously)
What are YOU doing for Sadie Hawkins Day, and what are YOU doing to change something in your situation?
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
When I first saw this article promoted on CNN, I thought it must be a joke. Then I read it. Nope. The author, a woman, was not kidding. In fact, the intro to her article reads, "Why should a female auto journalist give you advice on great date cars? Because as far as cars go, I know what turns a woman on and what really turns her off." [author note: apparently she does not - her list and my top vehicle list are dramatically different]
She goes on to detail a list of cars men should buy in order to impress women and get dates with them. The ironic thing is that she also mentions what her husband was driving when they met, "On the first date with my husband, he drove me around in an old Volvo sedan with very squeaky brakes. Derick is an actor and his car reflected his lifestyle as a struggling artist dedicated to his talent. I was obviously more impressed by his intelligence, reliability and determination rather than his status or style."
She justified her list by saying that women nowadays are 'rather picky'.
I admit, the entire article creeped me out. While I am very appreciative of luxury vehicles, 4wd, and power behind the wheel, I have never in my life accepted or declined a date with a man due to his vehicle or lack thereof. If the article is to be believed, then women today have turned into shallow, vapid creatures easily lured by material possessions.
So my questions to you are:
Ladies: how much bearing does what a gentleman drive have on whether or not you will accept a date with him?
Gentlemen: how often have you felt that your vehicle had any strong influence on any woman's decision regarding whether or not to date you?
Final word - when it comes to buying a vehicle, Ladies and Gents, the best advice is to buy what you love, what you can afford, and what fits best into your lifestyle needs, all rolled into one. Forget all that hooey about trying to attract dates with your vehicle. If they only want you for your car, do you really want them?
Sunday, January 27, 2008
at about 7pm mountain time in his home on Sunday, January 27, 2008. His family was there with him in his final moments. The cause is listed as due to age. He was 97 years old.
The 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he was most commonly associated with the tremendous surge in the building of temples, during his leadership.
Over the coming days, more info will be released and updated, and I will continue to update here.
At some point in the next couple of weeks I will leave my hiatus and return to regular blogging. In the meanwhile, the updates about President Hinckley will probably be all I will be posting.
Brief Bio of President Hinckley on the LDS.ORG website Here
Various references to Pres Hinckley on LDS.ORG may be found HERE.
January 27, 2008
A beautiful pictorial of President Hinckley
BYU Broadcasting Bio/Tribute with links to talks by President Hinckley (Talks in audio and video format)
January 28, 2008
The only mention I found on a 'front page' online thus far today of his passing - this short article explains the process of how he will be replaced, plus includes a short video regarding President Hinckley's death, which auto-starts.
Cane-Wave Tribute to President Hinckley - Join in!
Teens pay tribute to President Hinckley