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Thursday, November 29, 2007

I am a Person - Not Your Shrink

I have run into this phenomenon a few times, and I must say it is puzzling and annoying. It goes something like this:

Gentleman monopolizes conversation with ramblings about himself. Anytime I try to interject a comment or ask a question, I am talked over.

Then when he finally pauses to take a breath, he asks me, in an insistent tone, “Aren’t you going to ask me anything about myself?” (or something along those lines).

Sir, I am not your shrink. I am not being paid to listen to your self-indulgent prattle, nor am I being paid to give you more motivation to continue on in your endless diatribe.

I am a person. I am interested in conversation, which involves the free verbal exchange between two people of information, ideas, and insights. This is how singles get to know each other better – by both of them getting an opportunity to talk about themselves and ask questions about each other.

Call me when you get what the difference is.

By the way, trying to force me into some pre-made cutout of what you think I should be by dictating and directing my actions is a fast way to get an ‘adios’.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Good Matches According to Dr House

Photo by Alberta Schmidt

On the show House, Dr Gregory House sees a patient’s wife and has a conversation with her about how their integers are mismatched. His theory is that 4’s marry 4’s, 7’s marry 7’s and 9’s marry 9’s. He tells her that she has at least 3 numbers on him, so she must have married him for some ulterior motive.

Now, in the show (this is also the one in which Dr House gets shot) it is also discussed how, to him, everything is connected. This ties in with his integer theory with the wife.

So, according to Dr House’s theory of matching integers making good matches, on a scale of 1-10:
What are you?
What was your former spouse when you married?
What were they when you divorced?
What were you when you divorced?

If you were not married, apply it to your last big breakup.
If you are widowed, apply the marriage questions, not the divorce ones.

Did a change in physical appearance in either or both of you affect your marriage or precipitate your divorce?

What are you now on a scale of 1-10?
What integer(s) do you ask out or seek dates with?
What integer(s) ask you out or seek your time and attention/dates with you?

Since I rarely get the attention of 9-10’s and get a lot of date requests and attention from 7’s and 8’s, does this mean I am a 7 or 8?

Is there something to the integer theory?
Does it apply equally to men and women, or is one gender more driven by it?

What do YOU think?

Thursday, November 22, 2007

What are YOU Thankful for?


Photo by Chance Agrella

Every year on Thanksgiving Day we have a tradition in my home to share a few of the many things we are thankful for. I would like to hear what YOU are thankful for, too. Here are a few things I am thankful for on this Thanksgiving Day:

I am thankful for being able to do a job that I love. I am thankful I am living my dream.
I am thankful for being blessed with this amazing son to raise, care for, love, and learn from. He is one of the greatest blessings in my life.
I am thankful for the roof over our heads, our utilities, food in our bellies, and clothes on our backs. I am thankful I have a reliable vehicle.
I am thankful that every year my health gets a little better and I get a little stronger after being so desperately ill and immobile for so very long. I am thankful I can now walk on my own two feet – and in 4” heeled boots, no less!
I am thankful for the technology which allows me to make better use of my time and work from home so I can be with my son. I am thankful for technology being in place which allows me to work, period.
I am thankful for all those who love us, care about us, and pray for us – who are so good to me and my son.
I am thankful for my friends who are always there to help me when I need it, to set me straight when I mess up, and lift me when I fall and cannot get back up. They are amongst the greatest blessings in my life.
I am grateful for the men who have blessed my life with love, laughter, and learning. There is not one of you who have not taught me something about life, relationships, or myself. God Bless You All.
And, I am thankful for you, my readers, who give me the motivation to keep writing and to keep perfecting my craft. You challenge me to be better and to work harder. You inspire me with your words and insight. You are amazing in your own right, and I am so very grateful for the glimpses into your world, life, and heart which you have allowed me.

Here is a little Happy Thanksgiving Treat for you, from me:

Thanksgiving Prayer by Johnny Cash from YouTube user cwag03

So, now that I have shared my list: What are YOU thankful for?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Playing Hard to Get: Points to Ponder

1-Numerous people have posted on an LDS Dating site I belong to various situations they were in, detailing the behaviors and ‘signals’ the other person was displaying. To these, the overwhelming consensus of other site members has been, “He/She Just Ain’t That Into You”

It should be noted that these very same behaviors and signals would also fall under the ‘playing hard to get’ and ‘keeping some mystery’ categories.

2-Numerous people have posted on that very site various situations they were in that involved the object of their affection ‘going poof’ the very moment they finally returned some interest. The overwhelming consensus of members of that site was that the poofer was a game player who was not truly interested in anything but the ‘thrill’ of ‘the chase’.

Reality Check:

If you have to play games and manipulate someone to create a relationship, you don’t have much of a relationship to start with.

Only wanting someone because you don’t know for sure that they want you is not the hallmark of healthy behavior.

When you start with the game playing, how is someone supposed to know if you are ‘playing hard to get’ and ARE genuinely interested in them, or ‘playing hard to get’ because you are NOT interested in them?

When you ‘play hard to get’ how is someone supposed to know if it is part of your courting ritual or if you are only into the ‘thrill’ it offers?

As demonstrated by the differing views about 'playing hard to get' and 'keeping some mystery', there are all sorts of people in the dating pool who look for all sorts of things. Some want game players and manipulators. Some want straightforward and honest. It is a great thing as it shows there is someone for everyone. We don’t have to rewrite the core of who we are in order to find a great match.

Too bad we can’t have some kind of review where we can exchange info on others. Those who want the ‘playing hard to get’ crowd get those names and numbers from those who want the ‘straightforward and direct’ people, and vice versa.

The rest would be left to play amongst themselves. lol

As for me, well, I prefer the straight forward and direct approach. I hate games and I hate being put in the position of playing mind-reader. I hate both so much I won't do either.

A fun expression of my sentiments:

From 'Grease': You're the One That I Want by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta

video from YouTube user katiedaily

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I Miss His Smile . . .

Photo by Roxanna Gonzalez
Today I got a lot of good news and I wanted so much for there to be someone special here to share it with. My thoughts immediately went back to someone in my past whom would have been especially great to tell - and to celebrate with.

We had a great deal in common, and we truly enjoyed each other's company. We were so very compatible in so very many ways. The problem was there were some very big, bad, major issues which could not just be overlooked or brushed aside. As great as the good stuff was, was how really bad the bad stuff was.

The great stuff I had with him was the very stuff my dreams had been made of. I dreamed for so long of someone I would have that level of compatibility with whom I could also work well with. And work well together, we did.

The bad stuff was just - well, intolerable by the standards of any reasonable person. If those things were being addressed it would have made all the difference in the world. But, they weren't and there was no sign they ever would be. Discussions with me and all around him got exactly no where.

There was nothing left to do but walk away. Unless I wanted to 'settle' for living in an intolerable set of circumstances.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what being divorced and over 30 has come to - either 'settling' for intolerable situations so you aren't alone; or being alone and hoping you 'qualify' for that sweet matchmaking in the millennium.

What helps YOU in situations such as this?

Monday, November 12, 2007

About Sexual Boundaries

I was looking up something else and saw this video on the list. I watched it (It is about 36 minutes long) and I cried.

This is the most beautiful and informative explanation about sexual boundaries in dating I have ever seen. It is presented by a Christian church.

The message gets even better the further in it gets.

I hope you enjoy it and as get as much out of it as I have. Just ignore the poetry/scripture stuff at the begininning. The good stuff is when the pastor starts talking.


Sunday, November 11, 2007

Handling the Demands of Others

On a dating site I belong to, the question was asked how to handle it when we feel others are putting demands upon us. My reply went over well, so I thought I would share it here:

Disastrously Undiplomatic Dani's List:

* Talk to them about it
* Start saying 'no' more often
* Figure out what I am doing for them that they should be doing for themselves and give that stuff back to them
* Give myself permission to have a backbone, boundaries, and human limits
* Love them and respect myself

What do YOU do when you feel like someone is putting demands upon you?

Here is a short video I found on YouTube which I thought was really great about boundaries. Enjoy!

Boundaries Are Essential for Healthy Relationships by AskVictoria

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Holiday Breakup Ploy

Photo by Chance Agrella
I have now heard about this ploy from multiple guy pals; and I am not sure if they are teasing me, or if some guys really do this.

It works like this: a guy is dating a gal, and as the gift-giving holidays approach, he breaks up with her. Then, once the holidays are over, he reconciles with her. This means from around November through February he is out catting around and avoiding giving any gifts to the woman he supposedly is crazy about, with the intent of getting back together with her once the holidays are passed.

Would any guy in his right mind actually do this? Is any guy so completely cheap and heartless he would do this?


Any guy who thinks that is appropriate behavior clearly is not mature enough or caring enough to handle being in a real relationship.

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