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Monday, April 14, 2008

A Great Video Online: Three Pillars of Marriage: Leave, Cleave, and Be One

Photo © Roxana Gonzalez
While I work I tend to have music or the sound of video entertainment running in the background. As much as I hate to work on the Sabbath, sometimes it cannot be avoided.

Yesterday, as I finished up the book project, I had byutv online playing in the background. A great segment from the Family Expo came on, and once I got done with my work, I watched it.

This segment is about marriage, and it is packed with great information about relationships and marriage. It is approximately an hour long, so you will want to be sure you have that kind of time before you get into it.

From the Continuing Education Dept of BYU
Family Expo: "A Proclamation to the World"
The Three Pillars of Marriage: Leave, Cleave, and Be One
by Matthew O. Richardson

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Why Am I Single? Why Being Single is Not a Curse

Photo © Roxana Gonzalez
CNN spotlighted this 2005 article from Katherine Russell that is on The main point of the article is that being single does not make a person 'unfortunate' or any less than the magnificent being they are. The article emphasized the importance of having a change of attitude about having the status of 'single'.

As stated in the article, having a full life and recognizing that happiness comes from within are both great ways to live life as a single.

Though it shouldn't be the point, a happy, fulfilled person is also far more attractive as a date and a mate than someone who is focused on the 'negatives' of their situation.

I have found great joy in my life by pursuing interests, hobbies, further education, and opportunities for service. By switching my focus from 'finding a partner' to 'finding joy', I have found myself . . .and great peace.

What things do YOU do that bring you true joy?

For More Information, please read the article:
Why am I alone? Oops, wrong question

Sunday, April 6, 2008

More About Insults as Flirting

I have thought a lot about the earlier situation, and how I strive to be true to myself regardless of what other people think, feel, say, or do. I thought about how the man may well have been trying to flirt and be funny or cute or clever. I thought about how hard it is for many to even take that risk and initiate contact. I thought about my own leaning toward social dorkiness.

I went back to the message board and asked for advice, including specifics as to what to say to the gentleman, if anything at all. I read over his profile and decided to send him a reply. I did my best to be diplomatic and kind. We shall see how he replies, if at all.

Its hard to know how to respond to people who are rude or just socially inept. We all make mistakes - Heaven only knows how many social faux-pas I commit on a regular basis! I try to give the benefit of the doubt and to be true to myself - which is to try to respond with kindness and compassion. That is in constant conflict, however, with my Jericho Mile of being totally lacking in diplomacy and tact.

So, onward I go, trying to learn how to be less of a social dork and more diplomatic.

When it comes to handling difficult situations, what words and phrases have YOU found to be helpful?

Hey, Stupid! - When Did Insults Become Flirts?

Photo © Daniella Nicole
I have been working long hours as of late, and I am in my final hours on a single's site I have been a member of for several years. Because I am trying to tie up loose ends there and get contact info exchanged before I go, I have been quick to check back when I get a contact notification.

So, in the wee hours of the morning I got a notice. I popped on over and it was a 'profile comment'. I have labeled and dated my photos there, and I labeled the one I have posted in this blog as 'Thinker' due to the pose.

The comment I got from a man, was as follows, "thinker...? there u go workin without tools"

In my bleary-eyed state, I was not sure if I was reading it correctly or not, but it sure seemed to me that the man was insulting me by calling me stupid. So, on the message boards I posed the question as to if he was calling me stupid or not, and went to bed. I was truly hoping there was some hidden thing in there or special way to read it that I had missed in my fatigued state.

After a few hours of sleep, I read it again and it still looked the same to me. I went to the message boards and everyone who replied agreed that was what he was saying, but many qualified it with the fact they thought he was 'flirting' with me.

When did insulting a person become accepted as 'flirting'? This concept boggles my mind and appalls me. I understand that it can be difficult to make first contact and to know what clever thing to say that will get a person's attention and interest. But, I guarantee that if the first thing you say to them is an insult, you are going to strike out more than you are going to succeed. Flirting is an enticement. Insulting someone is not enticing, but rather, is off-putting. And, for the record, adding 'lol' to it doesn't make it any less rude and ignorant.

There are so many other choices to go with such as a genuine compliment or a comment about something you have in common. You can ask them a question about something they know a lot about (take care to not make it sound like you are looking for 'free advice' from an expert) or offer them info regarding something they have an interest in such as an upcoming workshop regarding a topic they have interest in that they may not know about.

When someone chooses to 'insult as a flirt' it makes me wonder just how comfortable they are with putting others down, and just how much of it I would be subject to were I to be in their line of fire. I choose not to allow negative or mean-spirited people into my life and my world. Someone who feels it is acceptable to use an insult as the first and only thing they say to me, or as 'flirting' fits into that category.

I really hope there are not people out there who think they have to accept such behavior as just part of life or part of dating. It is neither, and you have the right to have your personal boundaries respected.
Copyright © 2008 - 2010 Daniella Nicole. All rights reserved.