I heard from a friend today who is feeling a bit stressed in her relationship. The only thing I knew to tell her was as follows:
"Relationships are complicated. Especially when you are serious about wanting to be part of an amazing long-term relationship - and marriage. The only fast and hard rule I have ever learned about relationships is that I have to be honest with myself and my partner about who I am, what I need, and whether who they are and what our relationship is matches up with me and what I need - and vice versa. Sometimes I just cannot be who they need or give what they need. It can really stink to be alone, but it stinks worse to be frustrated and stressed all the time.
In my time away from dating, I have experienced a bit of a detoxification/cleansing. While I would still love to be part of an amazing relationship, I see how much I sacrificed for bad causes and how much of myself I lost in the process. We each deserve to be with someone who is a great match for us who puts as much if not more into creating with us a beautiful and lasting relationship. We each deserve to be with someone who puts us ahead of themselves and who is as serious about creating that loving, selfless, mutually-rewarding relationship as we are. Nothing less is right.
Most people are not honestly at that point in their development. It doesn't make them bad - it just makes them not ready yet. Each of us has to decide if waiting it out and working it out is a beneficial or hurtful thing to the end goal - and to our own happiness. No one else can decide that for us.
I wish I had magic words to say to give you comfort, and strength, and answers. All I can say is that I believe in you, and I know that in your heart you know what the right thing, in this moment, is for you. You know your own heart, your own mind, and your own strength. Trust that.
Its okay to stick out tough times - if you are doing it for the right reasons.
Its okay to walk away - if you are doing it for the right reasons.
The right reasons are the ones that bring true and lasting happiness.
You are a brilliant, beautiful, kind, generous, loving woman. You have amazing strength, wisdom, and courage. I know you can do anything you put your mind to doing. I think you deserve to do those things that put a twinkle in your eyes, and give you that glow of joy - whatever they may be."
I think that too many people, myself included, can lose sight of what is really important in the quest for love.
What do YOU think?