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Monday, March 3, 2008

Sexual Incompatibility

I read this article on CNN about sexual incompatibility creating conflict in marriages. I found it interesting for several reasons.

First, it is something discussed in the LDS (Divorced) Singles community - not wanting a repeat of bad sexual experiences in a previous marriage. While we generally view sexual intimacy between marital partners as important, we also acknowledge it is not the most important or only aspect of a happy healthy marriage.

Second, in the article it was noted that "People choose partners who have the right resume but maybe not the entire package." (Dr Laura Berman - Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert, Chicago)

One of my favorite quotes in the article is from marriage counselor and sex therapist, Marty Klein, ""People have the assumption that you can have long-term, monogamous, hot sex. It's never been done (on a large scale) in the history of the world."

In the LDS Singles world, due to our values, it is a difficult thing for many to discuss outside of marriage without feeling like they are crossing some kind of decency or morality line. This seems to carry over into married life - people having difficulty having clear and honest discussions about sex.

My understanding and belief is that it is possible and advisable to have morally-clean discussions about sexual issues prior to marriage and prior to serious commitment (you marry who you date). I believe the topic can be openly and tactfully discussed without crossing any inappropriate lines.

How do YOU feel about discussing sexual matters prior to marriage? When do YOU feel is the right time and what do YOU feel are 'appropriate' topics to cover?

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