Visitor Counter

Like this Content? Bookmark and Share it!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Dating Younger

A friend and I were discussing an interesting phenomenon that occurred when I turned 40 last year. There was one online dating website in particular that I was especially active on. I changed my profile and updated my photos quite a bit – and I kept loose track of what was getting the desired results and what was not.

In some instances, I got overwhelming responses – but not the type I was looking for. In other instances, I got fewer responses than I normally did, but they were closer to what I was seeking.

In any event, the day I turned 40 and my age was updated on my profile, everything changed. It didn’t matter what I said in my profile or what photo I used, suddenly views and responses were minimal.

There had been many discussions on the boards of that site that the 40+ men were chasing ‘younger’ women, while ignoring women their own age. I didn’t “see” that so much when I was 39 because – I was still in that 30-something age range that was being checked out. The minute I turned 40, I was no longer in their searches, or coming up in their suggested matches because I was now outside their search parameters.

As my friend and I discussed this, I began wondering if that didn’t in some way contribute to the other phenomenon of age 40+ women dating younger men. With less of a dating pool in their own age, “older” women dating interested younger men makes sense. Add to that the fact that women generally have a longer life span than men, and it makes even more sense to date/marry younger men.

One part of me cannot see a long-term relationship happening for me with a 27 year old – then again, when I consider how people change when they have been married and divorced as so many my age have been, 27 yr old men (who have likely not been married) don’t look so bad.

For dating younger, the rule of thumb (so you don’t look like a pervert) is ½ your age plus 7. I will be 41 in about a week, so for me it would be 41 – ½ (20.5) = 20.5 + 7 = 27 ½. So, age 27-28 would be the minimal age.

My personal opinion is that if they are closer in age to my child than me, they are too young. That opinion actually ‘ups’ the minimum age I can date. I am 41 (almost) and my teen is 16. That means there is a 25-year difference between our ages. Half of that is 12.5, so the youngest I could date would be 12.5 years younger than myself. 41-12.5 = 28.5.

Though I have gotten the impression over the years that younger men who chase older women are looking for a sugar momma or “experienced” sex, there are probably some out there who have honorable intentions. Until now, the youngest man I ever went out with was 6 years younger. Lately, I am thinking a 28 year old with honorable intentions might not be so bad.

What do YOU think about dating younger?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me - A Mormon Match!

I read in today that the founders of plan on expanding their services into the LDS market. I think this is a fabulous idea!

They currently offer online dating with a twist – matches are made by real live matchmakers, not algorithms. If I understand the job of a shadchan correctly, they are not only observant students of human behavior, but they are also well-versed in the dynamics of creating a lasting happy marriage. Once they suggest matches, it is up to the matches to review the candidates and choose from them.

It is similar to eHarmony in that you cannot view profiles unless you have been matched with them, but the matches are made by real people who understand how real people and real relationships work.

Admittedly, it may not be for everyone, but I can see some advantages to having professional matchmakers pick out great candidates, and those chosen taking it from there, with, of course, regular consultation with Heavenly Father.

What do YOU think about using the services of a real live matchmaker?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

LDS Toolbar and Social Networking

I have been writing a lot of how-tos about Firefox as of late, and because of that I was ‘playing’ on the Firefox addon site. As my eyes grew larger than my hard drive due to all the fun, helpful, and amazing downloads available for FF3 and prior builds, I stopped short when I saw the name, “LDS Toolbar Extension”.

I, of course, downloaded the free extension, and it is marvelous! It gives you buttons for quick access to many wonderful LDS sites. It comes with a search feature, and allows you to contact the creator in order to suggest sites that are not already listed. One section in the LDS Websites button’s drop down menu allows you to see all the newly added sites.

Guess what else? The toolbar is configured so newly accepted sites can be automatically added to the toolbar without having to wait for the new version to come out! Yay! In addition, there is a section for ‘messages’ from the creator giving users updates, including Home/Visiting Teaching reminders.

Get Yours HERE:

While I was ‘playing’ with the toolbar I found a really fun link for those who love social networking (singles and marrieds): MyMormonSpace. It is currently switching to a newer format, so most of the members are still on the old version. However, soon they will be moved over to the new one. Why not sign up now at the new version and be there ready and waiting to greet them?

I plan on setting up a profile on MyMormonSpace, so if you happen to see me there, be sure to add me as a friend!

By the way, its always a plus to have a job that pays you to ‘play’ as part of your research.

Happy Toolbar use and Social Networking!



LDS Toolbar Extension 1.40 (Firefox)
Zemanta Pixie

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What is Polyamory?

I have been hearing and reading the term 'polyamory' a lot lately. One dating site I was checking out even listed it as an option in the 'what are you seeking' category.

I read this great article about polyamory yesterday, and it explains the term, as well as the most common useage of the act of polyamory. To quote the article by Yvonne K. Fulbright, "Better known as “players,” these individuals are generally chalked up by psychologists as having relationships that are immature, incomplete, and sexually focused."

To read the entire article:

FOXSexpert: Can You Be in Love With More Than One Person?

What are your thoughts and feelings about polyamory?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

What Really Turns You On?

Photo © Roxanna Gonzalez
Now that you have fainted because of the headline, please bear with me - this post is not what you think.

I had a dream last night and it got me thinking about what really just gets to me in all the right ways - more than intimacy, it is a way that involves intimacy but is also tender and feeling very loved and loving. It is a way in which I feel an overflowing sensation of tenderness, appreciation, love, and attraction for the man in question.

In the dream, I was in a long-term relationship, and I was watching and listening to this man read his young daughter a story before bedtime. It really got to me, as those things always do. What really gets to me is to see men being tender, being helpful, and being in their element.

In my life, the times when I have felt the most attracted to the men in my life - the times when I have felt romantically, sexually, and otherwise totally 'into' them, have been when they have been washing dishes, cooking for me, doing other household chores (non-grumpily), working on the yard, working on the car/truck/motorcycle, being tender and fun with children, dancing with me, singing to me, spending quality time with me, serving others, and when they have been in their element. By in their element,I mean they are doing something they love like giving a presentation, playing basketball, etc. They are 'on' and 'in the zone'.

This all relates to my love languages. Mine are equally words of affection and acts of service. But, the words and acts aren't just directed towards me - when I see 'my man' offering genuine kind words to others, or performing acts of service for others, too - it really gets to me.

Its not about a man putting on an act or just doing those things to please me (or 'get some') - I need a man who is already just that way - those things just come naturally to him.

If you are not familiar with the Five Languages of Love, I suggest you check out this quick link. I really believe there is something to the love and apology languages, and have seen remarkable differences when I have applied it in my own relationships.

What do YOU think about the love languages, and what really gets to YOU? (Please keep it clean, folks)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

How Dating and Relationships are like Bungee Dancing

Lara Croft Bungee Dancing:

Though I am scared of heights, and not a fan of bungee jumping, I must say that there is something about bungee dancing that totally fascinates me, and lures me in like a moth to a flame. The first time I recall truly seeing it was in the Lara Croft Tomb Raider movie. I was so jealous! I would love to be able to do that in my own living room! Think of how easy and fun dusting would be.

The next time I saw it was in Celebrity Circus performed by Stacy Dash – twice. She started out scared of heights, and yet found it within herself to rise to the challenge and compete in all height-based acts. Even injured, she performed with remarkable focus, determination, and grace.

I think that fear and excitement can also be related to dating and relationships. Sometimes, we let our fears, anxieties, and past hurts keep us from doing something we really want to do – something that appeals to us and beckons us near.

Even when we are hurt in our relationships, we can find it within ourselves to move forward with focus, determination, and grace – if we so choose.

And like bungee dancing, dating and relationships can be as fun, beautiful, and amazing as we want them to be. It all depends upon what we and our chosen partners put into it.

See Stacy Dash’s Bungee Dancing:

First Time/Injured
Second Time/Finals

Other Resources:

Starlight Show Productions

When it comes to dating and relationships, are you a bungee dancer or are you yearningly watching from the sidelines?

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I’m Sorry, But, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Married Folks on the Prowl

As an online dating writer, one of the things I do for my work is check out various online dating websites. Some are for singles only, and others are more diversified.

As someone who believes in traditional marital ideals like fidelity, monogamy, and trust, I must say the more I check out these more ‘open’ sites, the more grossed out I become.

I joined a new site last night that was given high marks. The site, however, is an ‘open’ site. *Deep Breath*

As I perused the profiles I was shocked, amazed, and disgusted by the number of male registered members openly proclaiming they are married and just want a little ‘sumpin sumpin’ on the side. Maybe I need to peruse the female profiles to see if it is as bad. To their credit though, *cough choke gag* at least they are honest about who they are and what they are looking for – to their targets. I doubt most are informing their spouse about their hunt.

I am virtually speechless.

When you believe in chaste dating and no sex before marriage, it is difficult to find a date who believes and lives the same way. It is disappointing enough to find what seems to be 90% of your dating pool wanting sex before marriage or only sexual encounters. But, then, to see so many who are married on the prowl for extracurricular action, is just heart-breaking and depressing.

Its easy to say you would never marry someone you didn’t trust, but the reality is that many of the partners of those on the prowl do, in fact, trust their partner and believe they are being faithful.

I think I need to hurl now.

This behavior crosses all socio-economic, ethnic, cultural, and religious lines. No one is safe.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Online Dating Site Reviews

I love widgets and just added a new one to this site. It shows links to reviews of online dating websites made by people who have tried them out. The links are to the newest reviews for various sites, but once at the review, you can scroll down and read the previous reviews for that same site.

From the reviews I have been reading, my experiences on certain online dating websites have been quite similar to those posting the reviews.

If you check it out, please let us know what you think.

Copyright © 2008 - 2010 Daniella Nicole. All rights reserved.