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Sunday, April 6, 2008

Hey, Stupid! - When Did Insults Become Flirts?

Photo © Daniella Nicole
I have been working long hours as of late, and I am in my final hours on a single's site I have been a member of for several years. Because I am trying to tie up loose ends there and get contact info exchanged before I go, I have been quick to check back when I get a contact notification.

So, in the wee hours of the morning I got a notice. I popped on over and it was a 'profile comment'. I have labeled and dated my photos there, and I labeled the one I have posted in this blog as 'Thinker' due to the pose.

The comment I got from a man, was as follows, "thinker...? there u go workin without tools"

In my bleary-eyed state, I was not sure if I was reading it correctly or not, but it sure seemed to me that the man was insulting me by calling me stupid. So, on the message boards I posed the question as to if he was calling me stupid or not, and went to bed. I was truly hoping there was some hidden thing in there or special way to read it that I had missed in my fatigued state.

After a few hours of sleep, I read it again and it still looked the same to me. I went to the message boards and everyone who replied agreed that was what he was saying, but many qualified it with the fact they thought he was 'flirting' with me.

When did insulting a person become accepted as 'flirting'? This concept boggles my mind and appalls me. I understand that it can be difficult to make first contact and to know what clever thing to say that will get a person's attention and interest. But, I guarantee that if the first thing you say to them is an insult, you are going to strike out more than you are going to succeed. Flirting is an enticement. Insulting someone is not enticing, but rather, is off-putting. And, for the record, adding 'lol' to it doesn't make it any less rude and ignorant.

There are so many other choices to go with such as a genuine compliment or a comment about something you have in common. You can ask them a question about something they know a lot about (take care to not make it sound like you are looking for 'free advice' from an expert) or offer them info regarding something they have an interest in such as an upcoming workshop regarding a topic they have interest in that they may not know about.

When someone chooses to 'insult as a flirt' it makes me wonder just how comfortable they are with putting others down, and just how much of it I would be subject to were I to be in their line of fire. I choose not to allow negative or mean-spirited people into my life and my world. Someone who feels it is acceptable to use an insult as the first and only thing they say to me, or as 'flirting' fits into that category.

I really hope there are not people out there who think they have to accept such behavior as just part of life or part of dating. It is neither, and you have the right to have your personal boundaries respected.

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