Photo by Chance Agrella
I have heard a lot of complaints from singles revolving around this idea that 'other' singles are 'too picky' and that is why they are still single. When asked about their own 'wish list', they balk.
This article was pointed out on a website I belong to, and while I totally agree with the concept, there is something lacking.
What the article is saying, in my perspective, is also what I say to those complaining about the 'too picky' thing. There is a difference between being 'too picky' and 'being practical'.
The things the article points out in the discussion about being too picky are all superficial or even shallow things. If we are looking for someone to build a lifetime or longer with, of course we should not be prioritizing such things.
However, when it comes to the things that revolve around our basic needs, or the foundation of creating and maintaining a lasting and happy relationship, there is no such thing as 'too picky'. You MUST have some serious discernment and discretion if you want to avoid divorce court.
There are certain personality and lifestyle traits in men which are simply not realistically well-suited for my needs. Some other women may well be able to compensate and tolerate. With my own life circumstances, it is not a matter of choosing to carry the weight in those areas or to be patient with them. The reality is that for a union with me to work, those things must not be present. My particular circumstances will not allow for them.
So, in weeding out men with those traits, I am not being 'picky', I am being 'practical'. See the difference?
As the article points out, a right match for us may not match at all the cardboard cut out based on fantasy we have created in our minds. What a blessing and wonder it is when you find someone who is 'everything you never knew you always wanted' (paraphrased from the movie 'Fools Rush In').
Also as the article pointed out, if we want to increase our chances for even finding a right match, we MUST broaden our horizons and open our minds.
Before we do any of that, though, it is crucial that we make ourselves a good partner first. If we don't have that cargo ship filled with steamer trunks down to one carry-on (emotional 'baggage' reference), we need to take a step back and fix ourselves before we subject others in the dating world to the train wreck that is us.
Like what I wrote and want to buy me a cherry coke?