Too Picky . . . or Being Practical?

Photo by Chance Agrella
I have heard a lot of complaints from singles revolving around this idea that 'other' singles are 'too picky' and that is why they are still single. When asked about their own 'wish list', they balk.

This article was pointed out on a website I belong to, and while I totally agree with the concept, there is something lacking.

What the article is saying, in my perspective, is also what I say to those complaining about the 'too picky' thing. There is a difference between being 'too picky' and 'being practical'.

The things the article points out in the discussion about being too picky are all superficial or even shallow things. If we are looking for someone to build a lifetime or longer with, of course we should not be prioritizing such things.

However, when it comes to the things that revolve around our basic needs, or the foundation of creating and maintaining a lasting and happy relationship, there is no such thing as 'too picky'. You MUST have some serious discernment and discretion if you want to avoid divorce court.

There are certain personality and lifestyle traits in men which are simply not realistically well-suited for my needs. Some other women may well be able to compensate and tolerate. With my own life circumstances, it is not a matter of choosing to carry the weight in those areas or to be patient with them. The reality is that for a union with me to work, those things must not be present. My particular circumstances will not allow for them.

So, in weeding out men with those traits, I am not being 'picky', I am being 'practical'. See the difference?

As the article points out, a right match for us may not match at all the cardboard cut out based on fantasy we have created in our minds. What a blessing and wonder it is when you find someone who is 'everything you never knew you always wanted' (paraphrased from the movie 'Fools Rush In').

Also as the article pointed out, if we want to increase our chances for even finding a right match, we MUST broaden our horizons and open our minds.

Before we do any of that, though, it is crucial that we make ourselves a good partner first. If we don't have that cargo ship filled with steamer trunks down to one carry-on (emotional 'baggage' reference), we need to take a step back and fix ourselves before we subject others in the dating world to the train wreck that is us.

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Writing to Santa Claus and Men

An interesting article I was referred to today compares writing to Santa Claus with communicating with men. That and the other short tips it gave were really interesting. The article was one in a short series of tips about understanding men.

So, in the spirit of preparing for Christmas (since all merchants now have us several months ahead in holiday thinking anyway pfffffffffffffffffffftttttt), My Christmas Wish List for Men is as follows:


All I Want From YOU is:

Chivalry: open my doors, hold my hand. . . you know the drill.
Affection: touch me, kiss me, hold me, look into my eyes. . .all that good stuff.
Take an Interest in ME: get to know who I am, what I want, my dreams, my goals, my hurts, my fears. . .listen, pay attention, and observe. Learn.
Talk to Me: tell me why YOU choose ME. I need to know what you love about me and the good things you see in me.
Take Care of Me: Yes, I am independent, but I love it when you are protective of me, and do things for me just because you love me. So yes, defend me, protect me, cherish me, take care of me. Don't let anyone treat me badly or speak badly of me or to me. This includes YOU.
Be Yourself: you are the man I choose to be with. Trust me and let me in. Show me all that makes you the amazing and sexy man you are. You are safe with me. I will defend you, protect you, cherish you, and take care of you. I will not allow anyone to treat you badly or speak badly of you or to you. This includes me.
Love my child as your own.
Let me love your children as my own.
Be who you have presented yourself to be: That is who I chose.
Do what you say you are going to do: That is how I can trust you.


What would YOUR letter to men or women look like?

By the way, on the subject of writing to Santa Claus, here are two links to help you out:

Free Letter to Santa. Allows children send a free email to Santa. Cool site I have used before. Non-commercial.

Free Letter from Santa. Create a free customized printable letter from Santa for your child (or significant other if your sense of humor is wacky like mine).



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