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Monday, October 1, 2007

The Wife-Skills Interrogation

Being a writer, I have learned that its far more effective to 'interview' people in such a way that they do not feel interviewed. They are more likely to give more complete and honest answers when they feel comfortable, relaxed, and safe. People do not feel those things when they feel like they are being interrogated.

In dating, I sometimes run across men who attempt to put me through the Wife-Skills Interrogation. This line of questioning consists entirely of assessing my wifely skills. There is no interest in getting to know me, even though they insist that is what the interrogation is about. They are clearly only interested in how I will serve them as their wife. . .and nothing else. I suspect they have some Donna Reed fantasy about what running a household entails, and what being a wife means.

To those men I give my Greek Grandmother's rude Greek hand-gesture and a firm, 'Buh-bye' as I shut the door in their face. I also offer this little musical Reality Check.

These men are soooo not worth my time.

I am far more than my ability to cook and clean and any man that doesn't have the sense to see women as more than that is not a man I want to spend my precious and limited time with.

Interrogating women about their ability to iron shirts, cook pot roast, and bear young is akin to women interrogating men about how much money they make, how good they are with tools, and how they 'perform'.

Seriously. . .it is rude, sexist, and shows truly messed up priorities.

Yes, there are things to find out about each other: LOTS of things. The problem is when 'wife' and 'hubby' skills are the only things questions are being asked about. When the priority is to find out what kind of 'wife' or 'hubby' a person will be, rather than what kind of character the person has. . .divorce is not far behind.

You want someone to iron your shirts, clean your house, and cook for you? Hire a housekeeper.

You want legal sex? Try the Nevada Yellow Pages.

You want someone to 'bear your young'? Get a surrogate.

You want someone to care for your children? Hire an au pair.

But if you want a partner to share life with; someone to love and be loved by; someone to talk with and laugh with and play with and work with; someone to build an eternity with. . . gimme a call sometime *WINK*

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