There is something I am experiencing in dating and relationships, which I am still wrapping my head around: so please bear with me here.
Sometimes there is a situation that needs to be discussed. The person you are with does something which comes across like or feels rude, hurtful, insensitive, etc. They may have done something which is truly socially unacceptable.
Now, if you are never going to see them again, you can either tell them in the spirit of helping them out, or you can not say a word to them because you feel it isn't your place and doesn't matter anyway since you won't have to deal with it again.
However, if you want to see them again, you have to either learn to live with it, or speak up. If it is especially grating on your nerves, insensitive, rude, or otherwise annoying, it should not be a big deal to have a calm adult discussion about it, right?
WRONG! The minute you bring it up, the reaction you may more than likely get, based upon my own personal experience, is one of them going on the defensive and classing you as a nag or as being critical of them.
HELLO! In relationships, there will always be little quirks we need to be able to talk about and work out. If you are doing something which hurts or insults the person you are with, should you not have some modicum of concern about that? Should you not desire to correct that, and to be informed about it so you can correct it?
And here is a newsflash: it isn't about 'Right or Wrong'; but Sweetie, if you are being a social moron, treating your date with disrespect, or being otherwise rude and annoying; guess what? YOU ARE IN THE WRONG and need to fix it.
Don't even attempt to blame or label them. Suck it up, be an adult, and fix it. . .then move forward. Appreciate the fact they had the courage and maturity to let you know, because it is NOT an easy thing to do. Recognize that they have just displayed an amazing partner quality to you. . . and do the same back by gracefully and maturely making the needed change.
We ALL have times when we are the ones in the wrong and need to fix ourselves and our behavior. It is truly not a big deal unless you are an egomaniac with a huge pride issue. And, if that's the case, Honey, you have bigger issues to deal with than your date being unhappy with you at the moment.
And if you are the one who needs to speak up, use diplomacy, tenderness, and tact. DON'T BE LIKE ME, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! I am far too blunt, and am struggling with learning how to be 'direct with much tenderness'. Frankly, I suck at it and sometimes wonder if it is a lost cause . . .but I am still hanging in there trying to tame my mouth. *SIGH*
It is my own personal Jericho Mile.
Like what I wrote and want to buy me a cherry coke?