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Monday, August 13, 2007

Hang 'Em High

Photo by Chance Agrella
Over the years, I have learned a few thing about dating and relationships, and one of the most important has been to trust my instincts.

For a long time, if I suspected I was being lied to/played, I would confront the man. Now, I HATE confrontations but I am a very direct person and I see no reason to play games or not get answers when there are inconsistencies.

However, in direct mode, the 'discussion' would frequently turn heated, with me being accused of not giving them the benefit of the doubt; of me 'projecting' onto them what men before them did; etc.

What I learned from this is that liars and cheaters will say and do anything to place the blame elsewhere rather than fess up and take responsibility. So, all that has been accomplished is an argument was started, I was left feeling badly and attacked, and at times I had a nagging doubt that maybe they were right, but never got to find out if I was right about my suspicions.

I changed my strategy, and the new one works quite well. No confrontation required. . .and no doubts about what the truth is.

The new strategy is called GIVE EM ROPE. This means when they tell you things that you doubt, just accept it for the moment. Ride it out and observe. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Don't tune out your suspicions, but keep them in check for the time being.

At this point, they have two options. They can make a hammock with the rope, or they can make a noose. In other words, they can show they have been honest with you by their words and deeds (making a hammock) or they can show you they have been lying to you/playing you (making a noose).

Time will bear out the truth either way. This way, you are not the doubter that drives them away (why should YOU take the blame for their lies?) and they will slink off into the sunset like the slimy snake they are once they are shown for who and what they are.

If it turns out you were mistrustful for no good reason, it is a good sign to you that you need to get some counseling so you can get past whatever issues you have.

Either way, it is a win/win situation.

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