Yesterday, as I finished up the book project, I had byutv online playing in the background. A great segment from the Family Expo came on, and once I got done with my work, I watched it.
This segment is about marriage, and it is packed with great information about relationships and marriage. It is approximately an hour long, so you will want to be sure you have that kind of time before you get into it.
As stated in the article, having a full life and recognizing that happiness comes from within are both great ways to live life as a single.
Though it shouldn't be the point, a happy, fulfilled person is also far more attractive as a date and a mate than someone who is focused on the 'negatives' of their situation.
I have found great joy in my life by pursuing interests, hobbies, further education, and opportunities for service. By switching my focus from 'finding a partner' to 'finding joy', I have found myself . . .and great peace. What things do YOU do that bring you true joy?
I have thought a lot about the earlier situation, and how I strive to be true to myself regardless of what other people think, feel, say, or do. I thought about how the man may well have been trying to flirt and be funny or cute or clever. I thought about how hard it is for many to even take that risk and initiate contact. I thought about my own leaning toward social dorkiness.
I went back to the message board and asked for advice, including specifics as to what to say to the gentleman, if anything at all. I read over his profile and decided to send him a reply. I did my best to be diplomatic and kind. We shall see how he replies, if at all.
Its hard to know how to respond to people who are rude or just socially inept. We all make mistakes - Heaven only knows how many social faux-pas I commit on a regular basis! I try to give the benefit of the doubt and to be true to myself - which is to try to respond with kindness and compassion. That is in constant conflict, however, with my Jericho Mile of being totally lacking in diplomacy and tact.
So, onward I go, trying to learn how to be less of a social dork and more diplomatic.
When it comes to handling difficult situations, what words and phrases have YOU found to be helpful?
So, in the wee hours of the morning I got a notice. I popped on over and it was a 'profile comment'. I have labeled and dated my photos there, and I labeled the one I have posted in this blog as 'Thinker' due to the pose.
The comment I got from a man, was as follows, "thinker...? there u go workin without tools again....lol"
In my bleary-eyed state, I was not sure if I was reading it correctly or not, but it sure seemed to me that the man was insulting me by calling me stupid. So, on the message boards I posed the question as to if he was calling me stupid or not, and went to bed. I was truly hoping there was some hidden thing in there or special way to read it that I had missed in my fatigued state.
After a few hours of sleep, I read it again and it still looked the same to me. I went to the message boards and everyone who replied agreed that was what he was saying, but many qualified it with the fact they thought he was 'flirting' with me.
When did insulting a person become accepted as 'flirting'? This concept boggles my mind and appalls me. I understand that it can be difficult to make first contact and to know what clever thing to say that will get a person's attention and interest. But, I guarantee that if the first thing you say to them is an insult, you are going to strike out more than you are going to succeed. Flirting is an enticement. Insulting someone is not enticing, but rather, is off-putting. And, for the record, adding 'lol' to it doesn't make it any less rude and ignorant.
There are so many other choices to go with such as a genuine compliment or a comment about something you have in common. You can ask them a question about something they know a lot about (take care to not make it sound like you are looking for 'free advice' from an expert) or offer them info regarding something they have an interest in such as an upcoming workshop regarding a topic they have interest in that they may not know about.
When someone chooses to 'insult as a flirt' it makes me wonder just how comfortable they are with putting others down, and just how much of it I would be subject to were I to be in their line of fire. I choose not to allow negative or mean-spirited people into my life and my world. Someone who feels it is acceptable to use an insult as the first and only thing they say to me, or as 'flirting' fits into that category.
I really hope there are not people out there who think they have to accept such behavior as just part of life or part of dating. It is neither, and you have the right to have your personal boundaries respected.
As I have been working on my plan to simplify my life, I have been learning a great deal and have been finding tremendous benefits to what I am doing. Recently, an acquaintance from a singles website announced something spectacular that she is doing.
Dianne Hanks has given free outer makeover advice to people on the site before, but in her own life she has been busy working on outer and inner make overs. She has decided to take what she has learned and share it with others - men and women.
On April 1, 2008 she is launching a new website: www.makeoversession.com. Many professionals from a plethora of different areas are on board to help people makeover themselves, and their life, inside and out.
I have always been impressed with Dianne's inner beauty, and there is no question about how much her outer beauty shines. The more I looked into this, the more excited I became about finding out more. I think there is something for everyone in what she is offering.
Watch Dianne's Video About MakeOverSession.Com:
The list of participating experts and the fields they cover is staggering: Lorin Roche - Meditation Grant Adams - Online Dating for Men Glenda Feilen - Nutrition Richard DeAndrea - Holistic Cleansing Dr. Stephen West - Lymphology Shea Schneider - Wardrobe Bart Baggett - Handwriting Talya Meldy - Colon Hydrotherapy Brooks Palmer - Clutterbusting Habib Sadeghi - Holistic Health Marie Diamond - Feng Shui/Home Energy Brian Chang - Drinking Water Cynthia Kiktavi - Landscaping Dodie Sy - Floral Couture Greg Brown - Skin Rejuvenation Jaxson Rodriguez - Car Makeovers Jesse YBarra - Hair Jimi Mathis - Taxes John F. Shega - Plastic Surgery K.C. Lug - Wellness Karol Kuhn Truman - Feelings Healings Lindy Beverly - Cosmetic Dentistry Mary Ellen Simmons - Humanitarianism Maureen Tepedino - Art and Walls Mike Peterson - Money Paul Devine - Physique Paulette Sadler - Hair Removal Todd Ehrler - Orthodontistry Tony Marren - Philanthropy (the site states 'and more')
And yes, that photo and letter on the website to Dianne from 'Dani, UT' is me/mine. I really do believe in and support what she is doing.
According to two different studies, men who marry women who are better looking than they are report being more happy with their marriage - AND, being in a happy marriage reduces your blood pressure.
So, men with high blood pressure - be sure to find yourself a woman who is better lookin' than you. ;-)
Ladies, don't take offense - look at it as a gift of kindness to help them reduce their blood pressure. ;-)
Here is a video clip with a debate about one of these studies, and more regarding men, women, and relationships. Nothing gets resolved, but it is a great illustration of some of the attitudes in the world. In the comments section, be sure to leave feedback about the debate in this video - do you agree with either viewpoint?
Two video links today regarding how men love women.
The first is a sad tale regarding a divorcing man so heartbroken that he is now putting 'his whole life' up for sale on Ebay. His 'whole life' comprises all of his belongings from their shared life, associations with his friends, and possible jobs for the purchaser. To view this short clip, please click HERE.
The second video clip is a much more positive one. A man is celebrating his love for his wife in an amazing and inspiring way. Through creating his tribute, he has developed new talents, pulled himself out of depression, and honors God - which he plans on sharing with others. To view this touching video clip, please click HERE.
