Discouragement in the Dating World

Photo by Lynn Davis

This is a really difficult post for me to write because it touches on so many tender spots and I am not known for diplomacy skills. It is being written because of events which I have experienced, witnessed, and have been a listening ear in regards to.

Something that is being seen over and over in the dating world of LDS Singles is inordinate amounts of childishness, pettiness, and general disgraceful behavior. It is astonishing to me the lengths to which people will go in order to just catch someone's eye or get a date. No low seems to be too low any more.

Expectations have become totally unrealistic, and rather than address a need to strive towards perfection in one's own self, the demand is that the other person be perfect . . . and perfectly matched with the cardboard cutout image that has been created - even if it means forcing those 'standards' upon them.

Continually there are debates in regards to standards of moral behavior with criticisms routinely being placed upon the leadership and upon members who choose to live high standards of conduct. It is appalling to me to see and experience members of the church treating one another in this manner - and especially in regards to what are basic tenants of our faith that those who are baptized and endowed members vow to adhere to.

Divorced males leave the church in droves, and divorced females are more and more frequently resigning themselves to the hope that maybe in the millennium they will be able to marry 'a good man'. Both genders are making new people in their life pay for the 'crimes' they believe the former ones committed against them, and more and more common are 'casual dating', 'NCMO', and 'friends with benefits' (lds-style).

What is a single person who is trying to live gospel standards supposed to do? It is heart-breaking, it is frustrating, and it is becoming more and more discouraging.

So, aside from the general, 'have faith, pray, trust in the Lords timing, and keep trying' advice, what things do YOU do to deal with a dating world that is becoming less and less appealing?

Ladies: Getting the Love You Want CHALLENGE

I found these great articles online and decided to conduct a challenge with them. Worst case scenario, we might each learn a few things about ourselves and have some fun along the way.

So, to take part in this challenge the only things you have to do are the following 4 things:

1- Read all of the articles listed below. Then read them again carefully, taking note of the advice and how to implement it into your life.

2- Use the advice religiously for at least 30 days.

3-Keep a journal or log of your experiences and what you learn along the way.

4- Come back here and share a summary .

 

Ready - set - GO!

#1: Matchmaker's Dos and Donts

#2: 15 First Date Tips

#3: The Truth about Magic Lists

#4: 10 Signs You Should Run for Your Life

Sexual Incompatibility

I read this article on CNN about sexual incompatibility creating conflict in marriages. I found it interesting for several reasons.

First, it is something discussed in the LDS (Divorced) Singles community - not wanting a repeat of bad sexual experiences in a previous marriage. While we generally view sexual intimacy between marital partners as important, we also acknowledge it is not the most important or only aspect of a happy healthy marriage.

Second, in the article it was noted that "People choose partners who have the right resume but maybe not the entire package." (Dr Laura Berman - Sex Therapist and Relationship Expert, Chicago)

One of my favorite quotes in the article is from marriage counselor and sex therapist, Marty Klein, ""People have the assumption that you can have long-term, monogamous, hot sex. It's never been done (on a large scale) in the history of the world."

In the LDS Singles world, due to our values, it is a difficult thing for many to discuss outside of marriage without feeling like they are crossing some kind of decency or morality line. This seems to carry over into married life - people having difficulty having clear and honest discussions about sex.

My understanding and belief is that it is possible and advisable to have morally-clean discussions about sexual issues prior to marriage and prior to serious commitment (you marry who you date). I believe the topic can be openly and tactfully discussed without crossing any inappropriate lines.

How do YOU feel about discussing sexual matters prior to marriage? When do YOU feel is the right time and what do YOU feel are 'appropriate' topics to cover?

Happy Sadie Hawkins Day

Today is February 29, 2008 and as the 'extra day' we get each leap year, it is also known as 'Sadie Hawkins Day'. There are various stories about what Sadies Hawkins Day truly entails, but the basic gist is that on this day, ladies take the lead and do the proposing - or in modern times - ask the guy to a dance or on a date.

On a singles/dating website of which I am a member, I posted a 'challenge' for men and women to 'sign up' to play on Sadies Hawkins Day by (ladies) asking a man out - no strings attached; or by (men) agreeing to go on such a date. I then posted a date offer - my treat (I was setting the example and stepping up - putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak). When it comes to dating, I am the askee not the asker, so this was something different for me, but I thought it would be fun to try on a new hat for a day.

Many on the site whine and complain about never getting asked out and sitting home alone weekend after weekend. So, for this challenge, how many men and women do you think jumped at the chance? Counting me, there were about 5.

This is not the first time I have started a challenge of some type to get people actually doing something, and the results are typical. This begs the question, "Why complain and moan and whine but not do anything to change it?" Because changing it requires stepping outside of the box/comfort zone and that is a really scary thing to do for most people.

So, while I go out and have a great time on Sadies Hawkins Day, many others will sit home fretting over the lost chance and being alone yet another Friday night - when they didn't have to be.

What a crying shame. (seriously)

What are YOU doing for Sadie Hawkins Day, and what are YOU doing to change something in your situation?

Buy a Fancy Car to Get a Woman to Date You

When I first saw this article promoted on CNN, I thought it must be a joke. Then I read it. Nope. The author, a woman, was not kidding. In fact, the intro to her article reads, "Why should a female auto journalist give you advice on great date cars? Because as far as cars go, I know what turns a woman on and what really turns her off." [author note: apparently she does not - her list and my top vehicle list are dramatically different]

She goes on to detail a list of cars men should buy in order to impress women and get dates with them. The ironic thing is that she also mentions what her husband was driving when they met, "On the first date with my husband, he drove me around in an old Volvo sedan with very squeaky brakes. Derick is an actor and his car reflected his lifestyle as a struggling artist dedicated to his talent. I was obviously more impressed by his intelligence, reliability and determination rather than his status or style."

She justified her list by saying that women nowadays are 'rather picky'.

I admit, the entire article creeped me out. While I am very appreciative of luxury vehicles, 4wd, and power behind the wheel, I have never in my life accepted or declined a date with a man due to his vehicle or lack thereof. If the article is to be believed, then women today have turned into shallow, vapid creatures easily lured by material possessions.

So my questions to you are:

Ladies: how much bearing does what a gentleman drive have on whether or not you will accept a date with him?

Gentlemen: how often have you felt that your vehicle had any strong influence on any woman's decision regarding whether or not to date you?

Final word - when it comes to buying a vehicle, Ladies and Gents, the best advice is to buy what you love, what you can afford, and what fits best into your lifestyle needs, all rolled into one. Forget all that hooey about trying to attract dates with your vehicle. If they only want you for your car, do you really want them?

Beloved Prophet, Seer, Revelator: President Gordon B. Hinckley Has Died

at about 7pm mountain time in his home on Sunday, January 27, 2008. His family was there with him in his final moments. The cause is listed as due to age. He was 97 years old.

The 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he was most commonly associated with the tremendous surge in the building of temples, during his leadership.

Over the coming days, more info will be released and updated, and I will continue to update here.

At some point in the next couple of weeks I will leave my hiatus and return to regular blogging. In the meanwhile, the updates about President Hinckley will probably be all I will be posting.

Brief Bio of President Hinckley on the LDS.ORG website Here

Various references to Pres Hinckley on LDS.ORG may be found HERE.

UPDATES:

January 27, 2008
A beautiful pictorial of President Hinckley

BYU Broadcasting Bio/Tribute with links to talks by President Hinckley (Talks in audio and video format)

January 28, 2008

The only mention I found on a 'front page' online thus far today of his passing - this short article explains the process of how he will be replaced, plus includes a short video regarding President Hinckley's death, which auto-starts.

Cane-Wave Tribute to President Hinckley - Join in!

Teens pay tribute to President Hinckley

On Hiatus

Photo by Leland Davis
Temporarily on hiatus due to personal circumstances. Be back soon so stay tuned!

~Dani