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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Photo by Chance Agrella

I hear it all the time: the questions from women wanting explanations as to why men do some of the things they do. The most common is when a man goes 'poof'. This is when a man is pursuing a woman hot and heavy. . .and then just disappears without a trace. No more calls, no more email, no more text messages, no more dates. Just 'poof'.

Before this happens, there are ususally 'signs'. I know, I know. . .it gets tiresome to have to play mindreader and try to guess what men are saying with their 'hints'. Guess what ladies? Tough. We ain't gonna change 'em and this is what a lot of them do, so if you want to date any of them you are gonna have to learn how to read the signs.

(What I wouldn't give for a man who would just TALK to me!)

So, the best way to explain how to tell is he is 'into' you or getting ready to 'poof' (which is what he does when he isn't into you) is by this:

Does he give you plenty of reasons to feel secure in your relationship with him?
Is he consistent?
Do you feel affection from him. . .to the same degree which you feel it for him?
Do your feelings matter to him?
Does he make time for you?
Does he include you in his life and in his world?
Does he keep you 'in the loop' when it comes to what is going on in his life?

Be sure when you evaluate these things you are doing so fairly. . .sometimes our own baggage and issues cloud our judgments about others.

So, if he passed the test on the above list I would say the odds are good you have been blessed with a man in your life who is really into you.

If he did not pass the test on the above list, I would first look at what items he fell short on and think about WHY he fell short. There could be a completely legitimate reason. Or not.

If he is evasive, secretive, distant, inconsistent. . .
If you feel the need to chug the tums when you think about your relationship with him. .
If you find yourself wondering about his fidelity, honesty, and interest

Chances are this man is simply not into you and either doesn't know how to tell you, or is stringing you along.

When men are interested, they make their claim on their territory. They don't want no other man coming along and messing it up for them. They make sure, in their own unique way, that the object of their affection knows (in their male mind) they are into her. They make time for her, and show an interest in her and her life. They include her in their world and life: they want to be around her and spend time with her. Some men are more quick or aggressive about this than others. Cut them some slack if they seem to move a little slowly. They may well be very much into you. . .they just also may be a little gun-shy or feel a little intimidated by your beauty and the awesomeness. . .and are trying to get over the fact that a goddess like yourself would even date them (Seriously, some guys get that way).

In any relationship I have been in, when there has been genuine interest on the man's part, he has made sure to consistently let me know and to keep me as a part of his life and world in whatever appropriate way he could. So, based on experience, anything less says the guy just ain't that interested. . .and THAT is just not worth my time.

Like what I wrote and want to buy me a cherry coke?

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