New Year’s Resolutions and Dating

Image via WikipediaWith the new year rapidly approaching, many are contemplating what to tackle in 2009 as part of their “New Year’s Resolution”. For some, included items will be related directly or indirectly to dating and relationships.

The desired changes may be physical, financial, spiritual, or emotional in nature. However, resolutions are notorious for being broken shortly into the new year.

Over on About.com there is a great list of tips for keeping your New Year’s Resolution as well as some ‘Fast Facts’ about New Year’s Resolutions.

For some people, however, making changes is not something they resolve to do beginning in the new year, but something they undertake on an almost daily basis. For these people, changing is an ongoing process they consciously tackle throughout their lifetime.

So, when it comes to changing your life, are you a New Year’s Resolution person or a ongoing basis person? What changes will you be tackling in the upcoming year?

Resource:

10 Tips for Keeping New Year’s Resolutions. Amber J. Tresca.
About.com – IBD section
http://ibdcrohns.about.com/cs/mentalhealth/a/newyearresolve.htm

Women are Required to Cheat to Protect the Species

An interesting article from ScienceNOW Daily News involves the study of why females cheat – or try to mate with more than one male at a time. According to the multi-generational study of fruit flies, certain less-than-desirable traits can be eliminated by the competing sperm of multiple male partners. Thus, by mating with more than one male at a time, the odds are high that ‘good’ sperm will kill off the less-desirable sperm, so the offspring will be produced only by the 'good' sperm with the desirable traits. In this way, the species as whole is protected and strengthened.

I daresay that since humans are far more evolved than fruit flies and do not ‘mate’ only in order to procreate, the compulsion to be with more than one partner at a time is not about protecting and strengthening the species.

This is, however, yet another good attempt by science to justify bad behavior and poor judgment in humans. The previous attempt was aimed at cheating males.

Source:
Why the Lady Is a Tramp
By Rachel Zelkowitz
ScienceNOW Daily News
21 November 2008
http://sciencenow.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/2008/1121/1

Sean Hannity Brings Online Dating to Conservatives

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I heard a comment on a television show about conservative talk show host Sean Hannity having an online dating site. I checked it out, and sure enough – he does!

The Hannidate online dating site is for conservatives and is free to join. The services include photos, searching and matching. However, a faxed-in copy of a signed legal release is required. I am thinking this probably helps cut down on spammers and scammers.

Visitors are freely able to browse profiles before joining. All age groups are represented, and the Hannidate online dating site is organized by age groupings and location. Hannidate is open to people outside of the US as well.

For more information, please go to the “Hannidate” section of Sean Hannity’s website.

Its Not Who I Am, Its What I Do

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I was reading a US Magazine interview with Carrie Underwood earlier, and something she said hit home with me.

"If I met somebody, and they don't know anything about me," she said, "That's like, 'Oh, you're going to actually get to know me a little bit before you go Google me?"

Despite my lack of fame and notoriety, just by virtue of being a writer, I, too, get the ‘get to know me vs Google me’ thing in dating.

It’s a very uncomfortable feeling to have someone checking you out online. It creates a false sense of ‘knowing you’ in them, and it also represents an unfair ‘advantage’ in the balance of the blossoming relationship. In all honesty, it creeps me out to have someone who is interested in me checking me out online rather than just getting acquainted with me one-on-one.

I have also discovered, more often than not, that people who spend more time trying to find out about me on Google than one-on-one usually have issues I do not wish to deal with such as control, insecurity, and trust.

While writing has always been my heart’s desire, it is also something I do – it is not who I am. Sometimes I write about the things that matter to me, and sometimes I write what I am assigned, from the perspective I am instructed. Many times the final product is different from what I originally wrote. Sometimes the changes are minor and other times they are not.

In any case, assuming one ‘knows me’ simply by reading my writing or Googling me is wrong.

For the first time, I am beginning to understand part of the difficulty celebrities have in relationships. People think they ‘know’ the celebs based upon roles they have played, songs they have sung, and rumors that have been spread.

There will always be a piece of me in my writing. However, the whole me is far more complex and complete than any amount of Googling could ever reveal.

The only true way to get to know a person is to actually get to know them.

To that end, what do you find to be the best ways to get to know someone?


Source:
US Magazine (Online)
Carrie Underwood Apologizes for Upsetting Jessica Simpson
Monday November 3, 2008
http://www.usmagazine.com/news/carrie-underwood-apologizes-for-upsetting-jessica-simpson

Veterans Day 2008 - Date a Veteran

Image via WikipediaToday is Veterans Day, and in honor of that, today’s post is about veterans and dating.

First up is a look at why women love men in uniform from author Linda Howard in her interview with Crescent Blues E'Magazine:

Crescent Blues: What is it about a guy in uniform that so turns you on? Why do you think they make such good heroes?

Linda Howard: Because when they put on that uniform, that is proof that they are willing to put themselves between you and danger. It's a visual statement.

Multiple online dating sites are geared towards military personnel (past and present) and those who love them. Please note this is not a recommendation of any of the sites listed - it is merely a listing of options.

Whispy’s Directory of Military Singles Online Dating Sites

Iraq War Veteran’s Listing of Military Singles Online Dating Sites

MilitarySpot.com

MilitaryDatingOnline.com

If you want more information regarding specific online dating sites, please check the sidebar of this blog for the ratings widget and link.

Happy Veterans Day – Be sure to send some love to a Vet today!

Men are Genetically Inclined to Cheat

I read this interesting article from ScienceMag.org, "Why Men Cheat".

While I find the discovery of a 'cheating gene' interesting, I find the concept to be one of the biggest cop-outs of all time. Regardless of whether there is a gene that can create stronger urges towards infidelity in men or not, the fact is that man is supposed to be more evolved and civilized than animals.

To say a man is completely subject to his genetics and primal urges is to say he is no better now than a caveman or an animal. I reject this and propose that while any human being may have an urge to cheat, it is the very nature and responsibility of civilized men and women to use conscious thought and intellect to overrule primal urges.

What do YOU say?

Hey PlayaDude! What Makes a Friend a Great Marital Choice?

Image via Wikipedia I am starting off today's post by giving a "shout-out" to an awesome man in my life. *Hey PlayaDudue!* This man went from being a disastrous date several years ago to one of my best friends now. Its amazing how much can happen when kindness, communication, and forgiveness exist. I do not know what I would do if I did not have this man’s friendship and support in my life.

This and another situation in my life got me thinking about the different types of relationships we create in our life, and how much relationships change over time. As humans, we are ever changing, so people being able to stay together for 25+ years boggles my mind. It demonstrates to me that it is very much possible in our flawed human state to commit to one person, to put the good of another person and a relationship ahead of our own whims, and that the couple who selflessly loves one another stays together.

Counting my best friend who passed away recently, I have had three male best friends in this stage of my life that I could never be with romantically, but I do not know how I would survive without them in my life platonically.

They say you should marry your best friend, but all three of them would disagree with that in terms of us. I would have to agree with them. So, what then is the ‘thing’ that makes a best friend a great marital choice vs. just a best friend? I think for me, I can easily be friends with people who are very different from me. However, when it comes to building a committed romantic relationship and future, I think you really need common goals and values - I know that I do.

What do YOU think? Do you have friends you could marry?