My Perfect Match: A Conniving Murderer - How 'Bout You?

One of the (many) things I am doing currently is beta testing a network television station's new website. One of the features of this website is in the games section and involves matching players up with a particular television series' character.

I took the test more than once, and tried variations of answer sets that all honestly reflected me and my personality. I got the same results every time.

The show is not one I am familiar with, so I looked up the show and the character I was matched with online. I was matched with a conniving murderer.

I have taken many funny, semi-serious, and ultra-serious matching quizzes over the years, and certain elements have remained the same. In all honestly, some of the traits that I love and value the most in men, such as drive, ambition, determination, and raw male power, if they go horribly wrong, could lead to conniving and perhaps murderous behavior.

When it comes to the traits of YOUR perfect match, what are the dark side of the coin traits they could turn into?

Life is Too Short for Lies and Only Doing What Makes You Happy

Photo by Roxana Gonzalez
I was watching the movie My Mom’s New Boyfriend (rated PG-13) the other day, and in it the character, Marty, made two statements that got me thinking.

The first was that life is too short for lies. While I don’t think the length of one’s life should have any bearing on truth-telling, I ‘get’ that the point that was being made is that we only have so much time here on earth and we should not be wasting that time with falsehoods and misleading others. Lies waste the time of the liar who has to keep track of their lies, think up material to use in their lies, and continually add to their lies in order to maintain them and cover-up the fact that they are lying. Truth is simple, easy-to-remember, and direct. No time is wasted when one simply tells the truth.

The second statement that the character from the movie made that got me thinking is that she believes in only doing those things that makes her happy.

After some thought, I realized that in some ways, this statement can illustrate a truly great way to live.

If you have a good sense of yourself and have your head on straight, then the things that make you happy would be those things that would not be harmful to yourself (like drugs) or others. This means the opposite would hold true as well – that those things that would make you feel unhappy would also be those things that would be harmful to you or others. So, in that context, only doing things that make you happy would be, largely, living an altruistic life. To truly live a completely altruistic life, there is a little more involved, but certainly, this would be a step in the right direction.

What do you think of the statements?

LDS Singles: Misuse of the Priesthood and a Special Singles Presentation Just for YOU

I subscribe to several sections of the About.com website. One of them is the LDS section. I have gotten a lot of great information for Family Home Evening (FHE), free music, and blog fodder, among other things.

Today I got an email update and it had two things in it I think are highly relevant to LDS Singles:

By Persuasion and Long Suffering is about the proper use of the priesthood - which is not to be domineering in relationships.

LDS Single Adult Presentation: For the Strength of You which is a powerpoint presentation addressing topics relevant to singles.

I hope you'll check them out, and then leave feedback in the comments section here about your thoughts regarding them.

How Just Trying to Get Along Can Backfire

I caught an episode of House online today, and in it something interesting happened in relation to relationships.

Wilson and "CB" were choosing a mattress together. Each had a preference. She told him to pick whichever mattress he wanted - that either was fine with her. He choose the one that she preferred. When she realized it, she was upset. She told him that his pattern of 'just trying to get along' by doing whatever his former partners wanted rather than doing things he wanted created resentment in him and led to the demise of those relationships. She told him not to do that to her. She wanted him to use his own voice in their relationship, too.

She brings up a good point. Where is that line in relationships between genuinely being kind to your partner and doing things 'just to get along' that create resentment?

It seems to me that if you feel in any way pressured (real or imagined pressure) to do something 'just to get along', it is likely going to create a feeling of resentment in you. There is nothing wrong with an ebb and tide in a relationship where each partner gets something they want, when what they want diverges.

Like "CB", it drives me crazy when someone does the 'just trying to get along' thing with me. Just as I want a partner who will know when to 'give' to me, I also want the opportunity to 'give' to my partner. I don't want a mindless sheep who will give in to everything I want. I don't have all the answers, and I certainly don't want all of the responsibilities. I want a partner who will create a relationship and life with me - by my side.

What are YOUR thoughts about 'just trying to get along'?

A Great Video Online: Three Pillars of Marriage: Leave, Cleave, and Be One

Photo © Roxana Gonzalez
While I work I tend to have music or the sound of video entertainment running in the background. As much as I hate to work on the Sabbath, sometimes it cannot be avoided.

Yesterday, as I finished up the book project, I had byutv online playing in the background. A great segment from the Family Expo came on, and once I got done with my work, I watched it.

This segment is about marriage, and it is packed with great information about relationships and marriage. It is approximately an hour long, so you will want to be sure you have that kind of time before you get into it.

From the Continuing Education Dept of BYU
Family Expo: "A Proclamation to the World"
The Three Pillars of Marriage: Leave, Cleave, and Be One
by Matthew O. Richardson

Why Am I Single? Why Being Single is Not a Curse

Photo © Roxana Gonzalez
CNN spotlighted this 2005 article from Katherine Russell that is on Oprah.com. The main point of the article is that being single does not make a person 'unfortunate' or any less than the magnificent being they are. The article emphasized the importance of having a change of attitude about having the status of 'single'.

As stated in the article, having a full life and recognizing that happiness comes from within are both great ways to live life as a single.

Though it shouldn't be the point, a happy, fulfilled person is also far more attractive as a date and a mate than someone who is focused on the 'negatives' of their situation.

I have found great joy in my life by pursuing interests, hobbies, further education, and opportunities for service. By switching my focus from 'finding a partner' to 'finding joy', I have found myself . . .and great peace.

What things do YOU do that bring you true joy?

For More Information, please read the article:
Why am I alone? Oops, wrong question

More About Insults as Flirting

I have thought a lot about the earlier situation, and how I strive to be true to myself regardless of what other people think, feel, say, or do. I thought about how the man may well have been trying to flirt and be funny or cute or clever. I thought about how hard it is for many to even take that risk and initiate contact. I thought about my own leaning toward social dorkiness.

I went back to the message board and asked for advice, including specifics as to what to say to the gentleman, if anything at all. I read over his profile and decided to send him a reply. I did my best to be diplomatic and kind. We shall see how he replies, if at all.

Its hard to know how to respond to people who are rude or just socially inept. We all make mistakes - Heaven only knows how many social faux-pas I commit on a regular basis! I try to give the benefit of the doubt and to be true to myself - which is to try to respond with kindness and compassion. That is in constant conflict, however, with my Jericho Mile of being totally lacking in diplomacy and tact.

So, onward I go, trying to learn how to be less of a social dork and more diplomatic.

When it comes to handling difficult situations, what words and phrases have YOU found to be helpful?