The Perceptions of Men vs Women

Image via WikipediaI tend to believe that while we are ‘all the same’, there are times when men and women are just ‘wired’ differently. Today, I was part of a real-life, funny example of that.

My son’s cell phone broke, so we went to the local Radio Shack to replace it. They know us there, and they are just really wonderful and knowledgeable about everything electronic.

Today, one man and one woman were working. We were all looking at the phones (My teen and I were the only customers), and talking about the differences. The saleslady and I both commented on how much we liked the small blue phone. My son said, “But, it looks too girly!” We laughed. Then I asked the salesman what he thought. He hesitated, but my son prodded him. The salesman laughed and then agreed that he thought it looked ‘too girly’ as well.

Then, both males went for a neon green phone. They told us that it looked more ‘masculine’. The saleslady and I laughed, and almost at the same time commented that we thought that was the phone that looked ‘girly’.

The moral of the story is that even though men and women are ‘equal’, they may well view the world through very different perceptions. There is no right or wrong about this, it is just something that needs to be understood, accepted, and worked with.

When the focus is on working together rather than ‘being right’ a lot more can be done and many arguments can be avoided.

But, don’t take my word for it. There are studies that back up the fact that men and women really are ‘wired’ differently:

Brains Wired Differently in Men and Women by Andrea Thompson.
Livescience.com. September 8, 2008, 5:02 pm ET
http://www.livescience.com/health/080905-synapse-gap.html

Emotional Wiring Different in Men and Women
Livescience.com. April 19, 2006, 10:05 am ET
http://www.livescience.com/health/060419_brain_wiring.html

Men and Women: Are We Wired Differently?
Today Show/MSNBC – Health. (Updated) December 14, 2006
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16187129

Men and Women are Wired Differently by Dr.Gary and Barbara Rosberg
Marriage Intimacy.com, 2000.
http://www.marriageintimacy.com/intimacy-in-the-marriage-relationship.htm

Women are Required to Cheat to Protect the Species

An interesting article from ScienceNOW Daily News involves the study of why females cheat – or try to mate with more than one male at a time. According to the multi-generational study of fruit flies, certain less-than-desirable traits can be eliminated by the competing sperm of multiple male partners. Thus, by mating with more than one male at a time, the odds are high that ‘good’ sperm will kill off the less-desirable sperm, so the offspring will be produced only by the 'good' sperm with the desirable traits. In this way, the species as whole is protected and strengthened.

I daresay that since humans are far more evolved than fruit flies and do not ‘mate’ only in order to procreate, the compulsion to be with more than one partner at a time is not about protecting and strengthening the species.

This is, however, yet another good attempt by science to justify bad behavior and poor judgment in humans. The previous attempt was aimed at cheating males.

Source:
Why the Lady Is a Tramp
By Rachel Zelkowitz
ScienceNOW Daily News
21 November 2008
http://sciencenow.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/full/2008/1121/1

What Do I Have to Offer a Mate?

Photo by Chance Agrella
Perhaps the holidays are bringing this out more in the people around me, but a common theme I am coming across right now is people wondering what they have to offer a potential significant other. The list they formulate of ways in which they fall short can be great.

Most recently several male friends expressed some very deep and tender feelings about how they feel 'undesirable' as a mate due to financial/work situations they are each currently experiencing. They had other things on their lists, but the financial/work thing was at the top of both lists.

It breaks my heart to see anyone in such pain and isolating themselves, yet, in many ways I can understand where they are coming from.

I understand it is a little different for men than women, with the 'pressure' to be the provider and all . . .but many of us struggle with those same thoughts and feelings - wondering what on earth we have of any value to offer any one.

They say there is someone for everyone and they say there is a time and season for everything. I don't know what the answer is other than I know we all have value and worth in His sight - and sometimes that may have to be good enough (I am not being blasphemous here - I think you know what I mean).

Maybe that is part of it - learning how to let that be enough and to not worry so much about what society or our own insecurities and doubts say about our worth and value.

I am reminded of the book (I forget the author and title - I'll add it when it comes to me) which explained that just like the actual dollar amount of tithing we pay may be different from the dollar amount someone like Bill Gates would pay - it is all 10%. So, when we give of ourselves, it may not look the same as what others give - but if it is 100% of who we are and what we have, then it is sufficient, and all that we are expected and required to do.

How does YOUR list of what you have to offer compare with your list of how you fall short?

Deep-Voiced Men

I was directed to two articles about the fertility of men with deep voices, as well as their attractiveness to women. The conclusion is that higher testosterone levels create not only the deeper voice, but the fertility as well as that 'thing' that attracts women.

I am an alpha female, I find myself more attracted to men with deeper, soothing voices than I do those with mid-high range voices. However, I don't know if that is because I am sensory-oriented and the lower voice is more pleasing to my ear; if the lower voice is an 'alpha' male thing which just naturally pulls at my 'alpha' female instincts; or if it is in any way related to the findings of the study.

First, links to the articles:

A Man's Deep Voice Could Mean More Offspring

Man's Voice an Indicator of Sexual Potency: Study

Second, two questions:

Ladies: how does a man's voice affect you and your attraction to him?
Gentlemen: how low/high is your voice, and how much has that affected your attractiveness to women (i.e. how much attention does your voice get you?)

Men Just Want to Make Women Happy

Photo by Chance Agrella
As dumb as it may sound, there is something I didn't really 'get' until a few days ago. It is just how much men just really want to make women happy. It was when I was listening to those wonderful voicemail messages the other day, that it 'clicked' for me. In the days since, I have observed many more instances of this, and have been amazed at what I have seen.

Dr. John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, has a few fun and interesting clips available on Youtube.

In one of them he addresses this very concept in a most entertaining and enlightening way:


He quickly addresses the happiness issue here:


And, for those men who feel a bit clueless as to how to make women happy, here is one last clip which explains 'Venusian Scoring'. Very funny . . .and very true.


I honestly don't think women notice and appreciate this aspect of men nearly enough. The story Dr Gray shared about the clean kitchen and glass on the counter is something I, myself, have very much been guilty of across the span of my life.

Though in recent years, I have developed a much greater 'attitude of gratitude' generally speaking, it is only in the past few days I have realized how much I need to work on fully recognizing and appreciating the men in my life and all the wonderful things they do just to see me smile and make me happy.

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Women Make More Money . . .and Don't Listen to Men

Photo by Chance Agrella
I caught this video on CNN and was appalled by how these two women were behaving. This man was trying to explain some great information, and these two women were so caught up in being defensive women's libbers, they didn't really hear one word he said. They jumped all over him, and were totally demeaning to men.

Ladies, SHUT UP! Seriously. It is hard enough to get men to open up. When you behave like THAT, it only encourages them even more to not talk to us.

Women like you tick off women like me.

The point he was trying to make at the end is that men would like women to understand how to 'turn off' that 'CEO' and 'Business Woman' when with men outside of the workforce, and 'turn on' their 'woman' mode.

Ladies, there is a difference, and if you swallow your false 'women are superior' pride for a minute, you will see that, too.

Women today wear many hats, and have to shift gears all the time. This is just one more gear shift; so why the games, arguing, and debate about it? Is the truth and reality so hard to swallow?

Good grief!

I like my men to leave work at work and be 'my man' when they are with me. Why should this be any different with men wanting their women to be their women and leave their work at work?

I get so tired of men being crucified for being gentlemen, and for wanting women to be ladies.

On a positive note, though, it is a great example of poor communication skills. *laugh*

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Photo by Chance Agrella

I hear it all the time: the questions from women wanting explanations as to why men do some of the things they do. The most common is when a man goes 'poof'. This is when a man is pursuing a woman hot and heavy. . .and then just disappears without a trace. No more calls, no more email, no more text messages, no more dates. Just 'poof'.

Before this happens, there are ususally 'signs'. I know, I know. . .it gets tiresome to have to play mindreader and try to guess what men are saying with their 'hints'. Guess what ladies? Tough. We ain't gonna change 'em and this is what a lot of them do, so if you want to date any of them you are gonna have to learn how to read the signs.

(What I wouldn't give for a man who would just TALK to me!)

So, the best way to explain how to tell is he is 'into' you or getting ready to 'poof' (which is what he does when he isn't into you) is by this:

Does he give you plenty of reasons to feel secure in your relationship with him?
Is he consistent?
Do you feel affection from him. . .to the same degree which you feel it for him?
Do your feelings matter to him?
Does he make time for you?
Does he include you in his life and in his world?
Does he keep you 'in the loop' when it comes to what is going on in his life?

Be sure when you evaluate these things you are doing so fairly. . .sometimes our own baggage and issues cloud our judgments about others.

So, if he passed the test on the above list I would say the odds are good you have been blessed with a man in your life who is really into you.

If he did not pass the test on the above list, I would first look at what items he fell short on and think about WHY he fell short. There could be a completely legitimate reason. Or not.

If he is evasive, secretive, distant, inconsistent. . .
If you feel the need to chug the tums when you think about your relationship with him. .
If you find yourself wondering about his fidelity, honesty, and interest

Chances are this man is simply not into you and either doesn't know how to tell you, or is stringing you along.

When men are interested, they make their claim on their territory. They don't want no other man coming along and messing it up for them. They make sure, in their own unique way, that the object of their affection knows (in their male mind) they are into her. They make time for her, and show an interest in her and her life. They include her in their world and life: they want to be around her and spend time with her. Some men are more quick or aggressive about this than others. Cut them some slack if they seem to move a little slowly. They may well be very much into you. . .they just also may be a little gun-shy or feel a little intimidated by your beauty and the awesomeness. . .and are trying to get over the fact that a goddess like yourself would even date them (Seriously, some guys get that way).

In any relationship I have been in, when there has been genuine interest on the man's part, he has made sure to consistently let me know and to keep me as a part of his life and world in whatever appropriate way he could. So, based on experience, anything less says the guy just ain't that interested. . .and THAT is just not worth my time.


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Dating vs Hanging Out

One singles site I belong to has frequently discussed the topic of Dating vs Hanging out, and of course, there are some very divergent views on the matter. What is interesting to me is that in the Ensign, a talk from a General Authority on that very matter was published. It is my understanding that if it comes from a General Authority we are to give it some weight.

Then, in the LDS section of About.Com, I found this list of dating ideas. Now, to me, most of them seem to be 'hanging out' type things. Personally, once I am involved with someone, I enjoy some hanging out stuff, and I think the point of the talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks was not to discourage it at that point in a relationship, but to make it very clear that it is not an acceptable means of dating in those early stages. It promotes, in those stages, laziness and a sense of familiarity which would not be appropriate. It also increases the risk for crossing boundaries as it is commonly done 'home alone'.

So, what are YOUR definitions of 'hanging out' and a 'date' and where do YOU draw the line between the two?

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Women are Stupid

Photo by Chance Agrella
I admit it. I am not perfect. There are times when I seriously would like to smack someone upside the head. This is one of those times.

I have run into a two-part phenomenon. The first is the women who complain that men don't respect them and don't treat them well. They can't understand why men continually leave them.
The second is the men who don't act like gentlemen on dates, or yell (yes I have been literally yelled at) orders at women to 'stay where you are' and 'don't touch that door' because the women they have previously dated did not let them act like gentlemen or berated them for displaying chivalrous behavior.

This is why I say women are stupid. If ya teach men its wrong to show courtesy towards women, guess what? They are not going to treat you with courtesy. If you berate them for being considerate towards you, not only are you teaching them to not respect you, but you are not allowing them to be who they innately are: and they are not going to stick around.

Your 'feminist' and 'independent' thinking and attitude is screwed up and ruining many a good man. Plus, you are ticking off women like myself who have to retrain these men as to how to treat a lady right. I am beyond tired of cleaning up YOUR mess.

You may like complaining about men and making them feel badly for being kind to women. Fine. But keep it out of my dating pool, sister!



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The Lost 'Boys'

Photo by Roxana Gonzalez
A friend has recently disclosed that amongst many members of an *LDS dating site of which we are both members, last year there was a chlamydia breakout. . .due in large part to one man. His answer when confronted about it? That antibiotics clear it up.

She also disclosed that from that same site, there was a man claiming to be active LDS with a recommend pursuing her. . .all the while hitting on a classmate of hers (including sending the classmate nudie pics) on a site specifically for soliciting sex. She set up a 'fake' profile with no info on there after being told many men from the LDS site were actually there. . .soliciting sex. . .and lo and behold: she saw them!

Is this what the world has come to? This type of total misrepresentation?

I have several guy pals who have told me that basically 'men will say anything to get in a woman's pants'. . .and whether it is for sex or other physical/sexual activity, it applies to LDS men as well.

At first I was shocked and argued with them.

Between a good chunk of the dating experiences I have had, plus the above revelations. . .I am sadly starting to believe they are telling the truth.

I know we are in the last days and that the adversary is working hard on us all. Perhaps the sex drive is the Achilles heel for most men. . .it is certainly a weakness/sin of tremendous consequence (second only to murder).

This stuff just truly shocks, saddens, and disturbs me.

Is there any hope for our men?
Is there any hope for us ladies to ever find a man who has not been lured away from us and the path of righteousness?

I wonder.



*The site is NOT run nor endorsed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is independently owned and operated by a non-LDS corporation. It is an 'LDS' site only by merit of being targeted towards members of the LDS Church.


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