The Dastardly Deed is Done . . and . . About Acceptance

I don't really watch TV - we don't even have TV service here. But I have caught a few episodes online of a few shows which friends rave about. From them, I have gleaned the words for a few truths I have discovered about relationships.

Two of them are:

1- In every relationship there comes a moment when you either move forward and see where it goes or you lose it. (Bones) Julia Roberts is quoted saying something similar, "If you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by."

2- The best feeling in the world is being with someone who loves you so much that not only do they see who you really are, but they love and accept that person. They do not try to make you fit into some preconceived mold of what 'their mate' should be like. Even when it is hard for them, they accept who you are and try to give you just what it is you truly need. (Bones and Grey's Anatomy)

The gentleman I blogged about yesterday called again today and I told him to not call me anymore. We talked a little first, and as much as I tried to explain it to him, he would not hear me. He just kept insisting he loved me, he missed me, and he would call me again sometime.

Now I am again in the position of having to do something that will hurt someone, but is the right thing to do.

There is an object lesson in this about listening to others and respecting the wishes and boundaries of others. Every act of not doing so puts them in the position of having to put you, forcibly, into the position of having to comply.

Sometimes the right thing to do is to let go and walk away.

It's like that quote from the book Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach:"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were."

Doing the Right Thing

Photo by Lynn Davis
I once dated someone who was a fabulous guy in many ways. He also had some serious 'issues' that needed to be addressed. His family intervened at the same time I had made some discoveries about certain things that were going on.

I stopped seeing him months ago, but he has continued to try to be a part of my life. The good things between us were amazing. But his baggage is overwhelming. It could be dealt with and brought to a tolerable level - if he made the choice to do so. But, he wants to have his cake and eat it, too, and I am nobody's 'cake'.

Earlier today (Friday) he called, but didn't leave a message. It's been a while since he last tried to get into my life, and I thought perhaps he was finally over it. Apparently not.

He is a total extrovert, and extroverts need to be around others to feel alive. He takes it to the extreme of being unwilling to let anyone - including his former wives and girlfriends, out of his world. I have no problem being friends with men I used to date. I am still on friendly terms with most of them, and good friends with a few of them.

Sometimes, though, it is appropriate to let go. It doesn't have to be ugly or hateful - but the relationship does need to be severed, for whatever reason. This is one of those cases, and despite telling him that previously, he still persists in his attempts to keep me as part of his life. His behavior and choices are simply too toxic for that to be a good idea.

So, now I am in the position of having to decide which unpleasant option I am going to utilize to deliver the killing blow to the continuing contact. I know whatever I do will hurt him, but I also know it must be done. I am not the type to intentionally hurt anyone, but I am also not the type to allow this kind of thing to go on.

So, tonight I cry for what I know I must do - for having to hurt someone in order to 'do the right thing'. Just because something is the right thing to do doesn't mean it is the easy or pleasant thing to do.